If you can’t find something to attend this season, best to try something more appropriate. Like not having any fun, we hear that’s safe.

What was once an empty container wrought with nothingness, Colorado’s presence in the festival trend has exploded over the past few years. As more focus is being placed on the state’s capacity for higher end productions, so too is its unwavering love of the independent promoters. If you can’t find something to attend this season, best to try something more appropriate. Like not having any fun, we hear that’s safe.

Project Pabst

Date: Friday, May 20 – Saturday, May 21
Location: RiNo Neighborhood – Denver, CO
Price: $65 Two-day pass, plus fees
Website: Denver.ProjectPabst.com
Expected Weather: Mid-70s
Lineup: Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats, Courtney Barnett, Violent Femmes and more
Attire: Trendy hats, skinny jeans and proud beer bellies
If it were a celebrity:
Johnny Depp: Mysterious, scruffy and wearing entirely too many layers for the outdoors
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Boulder Creek Festival

Date: Saturday, May 28 – Monday, May 30
Location: Downtown Boulder
Price: FREE!
Website: BCEproductions.com
Expected Temps: Mid-70s
Lineup: Dead Phish Orchestra plus many more TBA
Attire: Straw hats, tie-dye shirts and sandals with breathable socks
If it were a celebrity:
Batman: Convenient, rubber and donates profit to the greater good 
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Telluride Bluegrass Festival

Date: Thursday, June 16 – Sunday, June 19
Location: Telluride, CO
Price: $80 Daily Ticket, $230 Four-day pass (camping extra), plus fees
Website: Bluegrass.com/Telluride
Expected Temps: Low-70s
Lineup: Greensky Bluegrass, The Oh Hellos, Leftover Salmon, Ryan Adams and more
Attire: Toe shoes, three-day beards and North Face head-to-toe
If it were a celebrity:
Dave Grohl: Historical, insightful and always telling younger generations to get off their lawn
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Sonic Bloom

Date: Thursday, June 16 – Sunday, June 19
Location: Hummingbird Ranch – Spanish Peaks Country, CO
Price: $222 Four-day pass (camping extra), plus fees
Website: SonicBloomFestival.com
Expected Temps: Low-80s
Lineup: Tipper, Bonobo, The Opiuo Band, EOTO and more
Attire: No top, Colorado flag board shorts and glow-stick headbands
If it were a celebrity:
Miley Cyrus: Unpredictable, free-spirited and completely unshackled from societal norms
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Westword Music Showcase

Date: Saturday, June 25
Location: Golden Triangle – Denver, CO
Price: $39.75, plus fees
Website: Westword.com
Expected Temps: Mid-80s
Lineup: Dillon Francis, Matt and Kim, over 100 locals and more
Attire: Obscure band t-shirt, sunscreen and disorderly facial hair
If it were a celebrity:
Matthew McConaughey: Overwhelming, sweaty and really feelin’ themselves

Denver Taco Fest

Date: Saturday, June 25 – Sunday, June 26
Location: 3600 Wynkoop St. – Denver, CO
Price: $5 GA (Daily), $60 VIP (Daily), plus fees
Website: DenverTacoFestival.com
Expected Temps: High-80s
Lineup: Metalachi (Heavy metal mariachi band) and more
Attire: Spandex, fanny packs and Lucha Libre masks
If it were a celebrity:
Zac Efron: Necessary, comedic and looks great with its shirt off
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Global Dance Festival

Date: Friday, July 8 – Sunday, July 10
Location: Red Rocks Amphitheatre – Morrison, CO
Price: $180 Three-day pass, plus fees
Website: GlobalDanceFestival.com
Expected Temps: High-80s
Lineup: Above & Beyond, DJ Snake, Knife Party and more
Attire: Neon tights, furry boots and debilitating carpal tunnel from texting so much
If it were a celebrity:
Lady Gaga: Unique, flashy and ab.so.lute.ly faaabulousss
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Ride Festival

Date: Saturday, July 9 – Sunday, July 10
Location: Telluride, CO
Price: $265 Two-day pass (camping extra), plus fees
Website: RideFestival.com
Expected Temps: Mid-70s w/ clear skies
Lineup: Pearl Jam, Cage the Elephant, The Dirty Knobs and more
Attire: Hemp jewelry, flip-flops and holey Pearl Jam shirts from the ‘90s
If it were a celebrity:
Eddie Vedder: Enlightened, crunchy and super excited Pearl Jam is still a thing
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The Divide Festival

Date: Friday, July 22 –  Sunday, July 24
Location: Winter Park, CO
Price: $55 single-day, $145 Three-day pass (camping extra), plus fees
Website: DivideMusicFestival.com
Expected Temps: High-60s
Lineup: Passion Pit, Kid Cudi, Blondie, Bleachers and more
Attire: Hoodies, jorts and printed socks on fleek
If it were a celebrity:
Kendall Jenner: Fresh, grandiose and came out of fucking nowhere
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Underground Music Showcase

Date: Thursday, July 28 – Sunday, July 31
Location: South Broadway Corridor – Denver, CO
Price: $55 Four-day pass, plus fees
Website: TheUMS.com
Expected Temps: Low-90s,
Lineup: Poliça, Thee Oh Sees, Allah Las and more
Attire: Button-ups, ironic glasses and filthy thrift store hats
If it were a celebrity:
Leonardo DiCaprio: Quirky, refined and has probably slept with a ton of Instagram models

Bass Center

Date: Friday, July 29 – Saturday, July 30
Location: Dick’s Sporting Goods Park – Commerce City, CO
Price: $50 single-day, $100 Two-day pass (camping extra), plus fees
Website: Bassnectar.net
Expected Temps: High-80s
Lineup: Bassnectar, Flux Pavilion, Wu-Tang Clan and more
Attire: Grassroots hat, earplugs and various state flags draped over your shoulders
If it were a celebrity:
Seth Rogen: Loud, clumsy and totally not at all high on any drugs
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Vans Warped Tour

Date: Sunday, July 31
Location: Pepsi Center Parking Lot – Denver, CO
Price: $29, plus fees
Website: VansWarpedTour.com
Expected Temps: Low-90s
Lineup: 3oh!3, Less Than Jake, Sum 41 and more
Attire: Black shirts, guy liner and something mom and dad openly hate
If it were a celebrity:
Sharon Osbourne: Alternative, tenacious and never acknowledges that it’s really, really old
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Arise Music Festival

Date: Friday, August 5 – Sunday, August 7
Location: Sunrise Ranch – Loveland, CO
Price: $149 Three-day pass (camping extra), plus fees
Website: AriseFestival.com/2016
Expected Temps: Mid-80s
Lineup: Ziggy Marley, Jurassic 5, Del The Funky Homosapien and more
Attire: Sundresses, yoga pants and imitation whalebone jewelry
If it were a celebrity:
Giorgio Tsoukalos: Inspiring, creative and absolutely positive it was “aliens”
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Vertex Festival

Date: Friday, August 5 – Sunday, August 7
Location: Cottonwood Meadows – Buena Vista, CO
Price: $235 Three-day pass (includes camping), plus fees
Website: VertexFestival.com
Expected Temps: Low-80s
Lineup: Odesza, Alabama Shakes, Trey Anastasio Band and more
Attire: CU/CSU t-shirts, ironic koozies and a longboard strapped to your back
If it were a celebrity:
Stephen Curry: New, methodical and can sink game winners with its eyes closed
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Bohemian Nights at NewWestFest

Date: Friday, Aug 12 – Sunday, Aug 14
Location: Downtown Fort Collins
Price: FREE!
Website: BohemianNights.org
Expected Temps: Mid-80s
LIneup: TBA, this summer (Past acts: Flobots, Steve Miller Band and Rodrigo y Gabriela)
Attire: Cut-off shorts, derby hats and big, big sunglasses
If it were a celebrity:
Martha Stewart: Low-key, family friendly and affordable as hell

Alpine Insurance Agency Ed Fest

Date: Saturday, Aug 20
Location: Freedom Park – Edwards, CO
Price: TBA
Website: EdFestBeer.com
Expected Temps: Mid-70s
LIneup: TBA, soon (Past acts: Drive-by Truckers, DJ Logic and The Altitones)
Attire: Expandable belts, pretzel necklaces and comfortable footwear
If it were a celebrity:
Charlie Sheen: Social, drunk and really good with excess
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Pretty Lights

Date: Friday, Aug 26 – Saturday, Aug 27
Location: Telluride Town Park – Telluride, CO
Price: $127 Two-day pass (camping extra), plus fees
Website: PrettyLightsMusic.com/Telluride-2016
Expected Temps: Low-70s
Lineup: Pretty Lights, w/ more TBA soon
Attire: PLF merch, vape pens and spirit animal totems
If it were a celebrity it would be:
David Beckham: Super hot, humble and all about the fam
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Riot Fest

Date: Friday, Sept 2 – Sunday, Sept 4
Location: National Western Complex – Denver, CO
Price: $150 Three-day pass, plus fees
Website: RiotFest.org/Denver
Expected Temps: High-70s
Lineup: TBA, mid-May (Past acts: Modest Mouse, Snoop Dogg and Flogging Molly)
Attire: Chuck Taylors, faded tattoos and a receding hairline
If it were a celebrity:
Amy Schumer: Hot, rowdy and likes to swear at small children for no reason
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Telluride Blues + Brews Fest

Date: Friday, Sept 16 – Sunday, Sept 18
Location: Telluride, CO
Price: $199 Three-day pass (camping extra), plus fees
Website: TellurideBlues.com
Expected Temps: Mid-60s
Lineup: TBA, soon (Past acts: Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings, Gregg Allman)
Attire: Plaid, CamelBak and cargo shorts
If it were a celebrity:
David Hasselhoff: Timeless, drunk and still hangs out with the babes from Baywatch
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Colorado Crush

Date: Saturday, Sept 17 – Sunday, Sept 18
Location: RiNo Art District – Denver, CO
Price: TBA
Website: ColoradoCrush.org
Expected Temps: Low-70s
Lineup: TBA (Past acts: Colorado local and national hip-hop)
Attire: Pressed Ts, fresh kicks and a paint respirator
If it were a celebrity it would be:
Danny Trejo: Counter-cultural, artistic and was once a criminal, now reformed