2014 – It was a year of complete and utter stupidity. Rooster takes a look back at some of the stupid shit that happened in the last 365 days.

2014 – It was a year of complete and utter stupidity. Rooster takes a look back at some of the stupid shit that happened in the last 365 days.

“Justin Beiber arrested twice in one week.”
Maybe if the Beibs hadn’t punched his limo driver in the back of the head several times, he could have avoided a DUI just a few days later after driving his own sorry drunk ass home.

“Russia’s anti-gay law casts shadow over 2014 Socchi Olympics.”
Hey, Putin, its the Winter Olympics for God’s sake. Men’s figure skating? Two-man luge? Or best of all, doubles skeleton? Come on. You shoulda bid on the World Cup instead.

“Malaysian Flight 370 lost at sea.”
CNN anchor Anderson Cooper would personally like to thank the blatant incompetence of Malaysian authorities for making his news channel relevant again for three whole weeks.

“FAA announces investigation into drone use over Denver 4/20 Rally.”
The legalization of weed was supposed to remove suspicion and neurosis. Welcome back ol’ friend, Paranoia! It’s confirmed: They really are still watching you.

“Robbery suspect friends victim on Facebook.”
Washington man Riley Mullins struck a woman’s head, grabbed her iPod, purse and then fled. The next day, he sent a friend request to her, which got him arrested and proved Twitter is a much safer social media outlet.

'Redskins' name denied registration by U.S. Patent Office.”
The Washington DC–based NFL team lost its name and trademark after being found disparaging and now allows anyone to use the name for financial gain. The “R” word will now become commonplace in rap songs everywhere.

“Execution of Arizona murderer botched.”
Convicted murderer Joseph Woods suffered for nearly two hours, gasping for breath as his body fought the lethal drug concoction. His two victims were unjustly able to die instantly from shotgun blasts to the chest.

“Robin Williams commits suicide.”
Comedic genius Robin Williams purposefully asphyxiated himself after years of drug problems and depression. Are you fucking kidding? Mork’s dead and Lindsay Lohan’s still kicking… Life’s not fair.

“First U.S. Ebola Case Confirmed.”
A Liberian man heading to Texas developed symptoms of deadly Ebola and was admitted to a hospital where he spread the disease to two healthcare workers. Steven King’s “The Stand” has officially been categorized under non-fiction.

“Paris flustered by erection of 'sex-toy' sculpture.”
American artist Paul McCarthy erected “Tree,” a giant green butt-plug in a Paris square. A passerby punched the artist in the face and three days later, vandals destroyed the art. That’s the most resistance the French have put up in nearly a century.

“Spacecraft Lands on Comet and Makes History.”
A lunar probe named Philea landed on a comet 310 million miles from Earth. The probe decides there is more intelligent life on the comet after receiving data that Nickelback just released another album.

“Police Investigating Claims Made by Woman Suing Bill Cosby.”
Apparently while you were watching Fat Albert and sucking on Jello Pudding Pops, Dr. Huxtable was investing in roofies and performing special female exams with his special probe. The Cosby Show will now be shown on HBO.

Tweets & Quotes of the Absurd

Stupid gets said, all year long.

"Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine,"
-Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitting to alleged drug use.

“As long as a nipple didn't come out to play, I'm fine."
-Nicki Minaj commenting on her MTV Video Music Award wardrobe malfunction.

"I think you have more of a plantation mentality than I do. I think you’re a bigger racist than I
-Former NBA owner Donald Sterling during an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper

"That's why I joined the army, I can't type fast.”
-Prince Harry sending out his first Tweet

“Burn this motherfucker down! Burn this bitch down!”
-Michael Brown’s stepfather Louis Head’s angry reaction to the Ferguson grand jury decision

"It's time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress."
– Monica Lewinsky speaking out for the first time in ten years about her affair with Bill Clinton

"Last month, Colorado made $3.5 million in profit from marijuana. And, if you ask me, that
number, just like everyone in Colorado, is super high."
– Ellen DeGeneres during a monologue on her daily talk show

“Claiming that someone else’s marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a donut because you’re on a diet.”
-Seth Rogan tweeting about opposition to same-sex marriage from the religious right

“Isn’t it a bitch? I mean … this vice president thing?”
-Vice President Joe Biden’s response to Harvard’s student body vice president

"Mr. Commissioner, we found out by one phone call. You guys have a whole legal department. Can you explain that?”
-TMZ reporter questioning NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell after Goodell stated he was unable gain access to the Ray Rice domestic violence elevator video