"Bike Smut" is probably what you think it is … yet so much more …

After nine consecutive years of touring to promote bike sexual awareness, Reverend Phil Sano is reluctantly hitting the brakes.

Bike Smut, an erotic bicycle film festival curated by Rev Phil, has been touring the world from Portland to Paris for years, promoting the synthesis of sex positivity and cycling culture by screening provocative DIY submissions from bike enthusiasts/aspiring porn stars.

Rev Phil created Bike Smut in 2007, and has traveled far and wide as a missionary of bike sexuality, converting skeptics and leaving a trail of helmeted heathens in his wake. His resume also includes helping found Portland’s World Naked Bike Ride, is considered a Saint in the Church of Bicycle Jesus by Seattle’s Dead Baby Bike Club, is banned from Civic Stadium in Eugene, OR for running the bases naked during a baseball game … and has been tasered for not having a bike light. You might say this man lives and breathes all things involving bikes and nudity, which is why he’s overdue for a hiatus from his calling: the spreading of joy and liberation through sexuality and cycling.

Last night’s grand finale of Bike Smut in Denver took place at the Voodoo Comedy Playhouse, which hosted a double screening to a packed house. This year’s theme was "Science Friction" — where most submissions were in the form of nerdy and futuristic visions of glittering, post apocalyptic bike porn.

It’s liberating to watch racy cinema in public, especially of the bizarre and creative sort. Promoting radical sex-positivity takes more than just shamefully enjoying porn alone in an empty apartment or partaking in the occasional one-night stand and threesome. Outing your creepy, voyeuristic self and admitting that you indulge in watching the porn is step one. Plus, this brand of bike-sexual porn is admittedly some weird shit. Watching other people also get into weird shit allows you to accept your inner kink demons rather than attempt to exorcize them. And the type of crowd that events such as this (Bike Smuth, HUMP!, etc.) draws is often an accepting gaggle of friendly freaks and queers. They all know how to party.

The endearing artist known as Reecy Pontiff kicked off the show with a few original tunes on her uke honoring Doctor Who, dreadlocked chicks on tall bikes, and included a jaunty sing-a-long ballad about sluts. Then Reverend Phil introduced the films after partaking in several stripteases, that resulted in him donning a Star Trek mock turtleneck and black panties for the remainder of the event.

The short films ran the gamut from morning masturbation with lesbians to dry humping bike seats ‘til she squirts (with Spanish subtitles). There was power tool penetration, interracial alien gangbangs (with pegging!), “polybikesexual” trans babes with dildo flamethrowers (whose film made a cute play on gender neutral pronoun usage), and strobe light time travel banging.

There was a glitter-coated, post apocalyptic German pussy eating and hunting for male DNA to save the human race, and even cartoons that morphed from man to woman, cock and balls into a butterfly. From a sensitive bike detective and a caped sex-toy-inventing wizard, the characters in the Bike Smut films were humble and horny. Bike Smut submissions (pun intended) incorporated aspects of BDSM: getting tied up to bikes with rubber bike tubes, being caressed and whipped by bike chains and dripping grease down your body like hot wax. These "pedalphiles" spared no part when it came to promoting bike sexuality.

Good sex, good transportation, good living. This is what Rev Phil preaches with Bike Smut. But it’s more than just finding bikes sexy, it’s also about how bikes played a role in sexual liberation for women. Women ditched their impractical hoop skirts and corsets for bloomers and pants once the bicycle came about, allowing for empowerment through mobility. See? It’s not just about the tits and ass. Bike Smut gets deep. Balls deep.

And Bike Smut isn’t necessarily about objectophilia or being sexually attracted to your bikes, although some films may prove otherwise. Bike Smut is about being turned on and being proud of it. It hadn’t occurred to me, prior to Bike Smut, that bikes are actually really quite sensual: you ride them hunched over, so the view from the front and the back is undeniably provocative, you’re literally making love to them as you peddle and grind away on the seat, and they’re both a whimsical and efficient mode of travel.  

So next time you straddle your bike, think twice. It may be enjoying it more than you think …

Want to catch Bike Smut near you!? You'd better hurry, it's almost gone for good. The next event is Wednesday, Nov 18, 2015 (8:15 pm – 10:15 pm) at Shine in Boulder, CO