Deep inside every hard-working adult is a child that just wants to play. Also inside every stern-faced grown-up is a pervert that can’t stop thinking about sex. Never before have both hidden parts of us been perfectly satisfied by one present, until now.

Penis coloring books are the beautiful juxtaposition of childhood nostalgia and adult erotica. The toys’ designers are just in time to cash in on the remarkable surge of adult coloring book sales. The business has boomed in the past couple of years, jumping from 1 million books in 2014 to 12 million books just one year later.

We explored the variety of phallic fun these toys have to offer, and now, we leave you to decide which one will make the perfect present for the holidays.

1. Cockadoodles

The founders of Cockadoodles set out to create a coloring book bursting with dicks when they discovered that adult coloring books weren’t nearly adult enough. Cockadoodles is a wholesome 32 pages of penis-shaped mazes, penis-related word searches and connect-the-dots that result in – you guessed it – penises. As the description reads, “It’s just like a classic coloring book, but with page after page of penis.” Cockadoodles is unique in its portrayal of the variety that cocks have to offer: big, small, flaccid, erect, circumcised, uncircumcised, even pierced and tattooed. You can purchase a Cockadoodle adult coloring book on the product’s IndieGoGo page.


2. The Pen 15 Club

The Pen 15 Club: Members Only Coloring Book is filled with dick mandalas, animals composed entirely of dicks, and dicks up dressed as people. The book’s creators explain that their background in architecture had accustomed them to seeing penises in everything, as most buildings are clearly glass and steel erections. Pen 15’s dick designs are unique for the intricacy. The fine lines and elaborate patterns require a strong attention to detail and freshly sharpened colored pencils. You can also find the Pen 15 Coloring Book on the founders’ IndieGoGo page.

Pen15 Club

3. Cocktastic! Colorful Cocks

Cocktastic! Colorful Cocks was illustrated by Ella Cotton, the same creative genius that designed the doodle book filled with sex positions and the swear words coloring book. Unlike her competitors, Cotton looked to art history to serve as inspiration for her drawings. Cocktastic! offers modern interpretations of ancient works of art, such as a penis-filled drawing of Michelangelo’s David and a depiction of medieval nuns harvesting from a penis tree. For the scholars who love classical art but also love the classic cock, this book offers the tasteful blend of both. You can buy Cocktastic! Colorful Cocks for your loved ones on Ella Cotton’s Amazon page.

Ella Cotton

Each of these works of art was created with the belief that every grown-up has an inner child that just wants to play… with dicks. Whether you’re looking for mazes, mandalas, or Michelangelo, there’s a wealth of wiener-books at your fingertips. These gifts are selling out quickly, so be sure to grab one before they cum and go.