"It's 2016, there are 36 genders, bayblade might be a new Olympic sport, why arent we calling fire ants 'spicy boys?'"
In this tense time of political strife, Americans need a cause we can all get behind.
We need something real to unanimously unite us and remind us that we're more alike than we seem. We're all in this together. We are all one.
Ladies and gentlemen, we think we've finally found the cause that'll suture our national wounds.
It's a … (drum roll please) … Change.org petition to rename fire ants to "spicy boys!"
AWWWW YEAH. BELIEVE IT.
For too long, we've suffered under the tyranny of mistaken insect taxonomy, but not anymore. It's time to break free; time to show the world WE KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG.
It's time, fellow Americans, to start calling ants what they really are.
The spicy boy petition will be delivered to Michelle and Barack Obama, as well as Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg along with the following typo-ridden letter from petition organizer "pupperg small."
I believe that it is our responsibility as the younger generation to look after our world for both our futures and the future generations after us. Part of this improvment plan will be making sure our animals are happy and safe. Recently the fire ants have been speaking to me about their discomfort with the name "fire ant" as it gives them disphoria and we should respect their decision to be called "Spicy Boys".
There are 36 genders, furrys and bronys are active members of our community, there is a rising possibility of bay blade becoming an olympic sport, why can we have this but we can't our spicy boys.
So far, this important, important movement has 59,000 signatures, but it needs 75,000 to become a blissful reality.
Please consider adding yours today, and remember: together, we can make a difference for the better. Only you can help make America spicy again.
THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES, BUT THEY CAN NEVER TAKE OUR SPICY BOYS!