Pope Blesses Tax Collectors as Vatican Continues To Be Tax Exempt

Pope Blesses Tax Collectors as Vatican Continues To Be Tax Exempt

The pope pointed out that although tax collectors are seen as people who are reaching into other’s pockets, they were actually needed

CultureFebruary 23, 2022 By Marshall Dunham

In what we can only assume was a poorly executed PR move for the Catholic church, Pope Francis encouraged tax collectors last week, telling them that they're vital to a functioning society.

According to Reuters, the PR blunder happened as the pope spoke to a group from the Agenzia delle Entrate, which is Italy’s equivalent to the IRS. 

The pope pointed out that although tax collectors are seen as people who are reaching into other’s pockets, they were actually needed, as “Taxation is a sign of legality and justice.”

What a nerd, are we right?

Pope Francis went on to claim that everyone paid their fair share of taxes, and that the taxation of the wealthy was vital so as the weakest members of society weren’t “crushed by the most powerful.”

The recent compliments to tax collectors came days after thousands of baptisms were invalidated by the Catholic church when it was discovered a pastor in Arizona was saying “We baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” instead of “I baptize you...”

We shit you not. That’s a thing that actually happened. Catholics everywhere have been invalidated due to Jesus’s pronouns, with the church explaining that those that weren’t baptized correctly would need to repeat their other sacraments. 

For those unaware, sacraments are the fraternal pledge equivalents of being a catholic, but instead of drinking cheap alcohol, wearing pink Polos and having unprotected sex, you just commit to the church and sometimes pledge celibacy. 

Anyway, the journalistic point of this story is that the Pope praised the honesty of those who paid their taxes last week, condemning tax evasion and off-the-books economies. The journalistic point definitely isn’t that the Vatican is a tax-exempt organization, or that American churches have been virtually tax-exempt since the country’s founding.

Furthermore, the journalistic point of this article is definitely not that maybe it’s a good thing that the Catholic church pays no taxes when they probably need the money in order to pay off its $4 billion in sexual abuse settlements across more than 8,600 cases.

Pay no mind to the fact that the Catholic church continues to get away with substantial situations of tax evasion and sexual harassment. Instead, you should probably pay your taxes on time, and then do 10 Hail Marys.