Um, "White Fitness: Trends In Pale Aerobics"?

Portland Community College in Oregon is catching heat for the recent announcement that it's declaring April “Whiteness History Month” — unsurprisingly a full two-days longer than Black History Month.

While this may sound more fitting for a less culturally sensitive place, like Alabama or Louisiana, the administration at PCC wants to make it perfectly clear that WHM is not meant to be a celebration of race. Rather, the goal of Whiteness History Month is to be an “educational project examining race and racism through an exploration of the construction of whiteness, its origins and heritage.”

PCC is still working on establishing subject matters that will be examined throughout WHM, and the school is accepting proposals for class curriculum, speeches and seminars until Feb 1. Great! Here are some of our proposals for an insightful and educational month:

The Garlic and Cauliflower Problem: What’s Cooking In Vegetable Privilege

In this seminar, students investigate the origins of Whiteness in the kitchen. Through detailed investigation of only white vegetables, students learn about how America "tastes" its Whiteness.

Ivory Recreation: A Historical Report From Skiing to Segways

This speech and analysis course focuses on areas in which Whiteness recreation has moved away from the late 19th century to today. With a historical and cultural report on skiing, rollerblading and the advent of the Segway, the class examines the unique ways in which Whitey moves around on things.

SOCY 1021: Whitewashed Reenactments — Fairs, Wars and LARPing tournaments

This Sociology class examines the many ways in which Whiteness is often reenacted without credence to color. Through an exhaustive analysis of renaissance fairs, civil war reenactments and LARPing tournaments, students analyze the reasons for, and consequences of, reenacting history that doesn't include real people that were actually alive at the time.

White Fitness: Trends In Pale Aerobics

A hands on assembly to examine and experiment with all forms of pale-people fitness. Students learn various avenues of white aerobics, from classic Jazzercise routines and Pilates lifts, to new trends like Zumba and recreational Pole Dancing. The assembly will conclude with celebratory refreshments at Pink Berry.

Subarus: "Whitey in Motion"

An open forum discussing why Whiteness — not love — makes the Subaru a Subaru. Students investigate reasoning on how the motion of Whiteness has attached itself to the brand, and what can be done to open the all-wheel majesty to every race and identity.