At this point in his 52 years on the planet, Australian prison guard Michael Baxter has more Simpsons character tattoos than anyone who's ever lived. In fact, he's got ink of more characters than we can recognize or remember existing, and for that, he's due the honor of being the first man to hold the Guinness World Record for "most of the same cartoon character tattooed on one body." It's great to have goals, isn't it?

 

At this point in his 52 years on the planet, Australian prison guard Michael Baxter has more Simpsons character tattoos than anyone who's ever lived. In fact, he's got ink of more characters than we can recognize or remember existing, and for that, he's due the honor of being the first man to hold the Guinness World Record for "most of the same cartoon character tattooed on one body." It's great to have goals, isn't it?

So far, he's got 203 characters permanently etched into his back fat. Which should be pretty interesting; we always wanted to see what Bart and Lisa would look like in the drooping clutches of age #realism.

To reach for those particular stars, he spent 130 hours of his non-prison-guarding time and $12,000. The tattoos were all done by artist Jade Baxter-Smith, who's been rewarded with quite a rabid following in the wake of Michael's recent virality.

Michael says he first started getting the tattoos because he "wanted to get something which was unique, which nobody else had or would even think of getting."

"It's an addiction," he said. "Once you get one, you want more and more." Well, we guess that's a less maladaptive hobby than like … bomb making or Muzak.

Here's a summary of his butterfly-like transformation from mere man to mere man who likes the Simpsons way, way, more than you despite your claims otherwise.

He also made this video chronicling his tatty-habit for the people at Guinness; apparently they don't have a category he could win yet, so he has to petition them to make one up for him.

Oh! Oh! And he says his favorite character is Homer. We almost thought it was Sideshow Bob, given that he's a prison guard and all, but nooo.

Now if only the people at the Simpsons would catch wind of Michael … they could do a Michael character, and then Michael could get himself tattooed on himself, and then order and balance would be restored. God, we're smart.

All this is enhanced infinitesimally by the current police brutality crisis: Michael's prison guard job paired with his giggly little fetish prove that underneath that Kevlar and doughnut-encrusted exterior, most correctional officers are just big silly goofballs inside. Maybe the reason they've all turned violent is because they don't have as many characters as Michael does? Only time will tell.