The future of meat is here! An artisinal salami startup says it wants to produce cannibal charcuterie from the flesh of celebrities like Kanye West, Ellen Degeneres, Jennifer Lawrence, and James Franco.
Hark! The future of meat cometh! An artisanal salami startup says it wants to produce cannibal charcuterie from the flesh of celebrities like Kanye West, Ellen DeGeneres, Jennifer Lawrence, and James Franco. Well, that clears up what we'll be bringing to the picnic party.
The company, Bitelabs, is "100% serious" about biopsying famous people and growing salami from their cells. Thus far, none of the stars has volunteered to become lunch meat.
An anonymous representative from the maybe-real-maybe-fake company said they're also interested in "prompting widespread discussion about bioethics, lab-grown meats, and celebrity culture … making celebrity meat a reality from there will all depend on our ability to build a user-base."
Well, we know one guy who could probably comprise their entire user-base…
Bitelabs has big recipe plans for each of its celebrity biopsies. For example, Kanye West will be a strong, smoky, Yeezy-pork blend with Hungarian paprika, that, just like him, will "pull no punches." Will it also be a sassy little bitch? Maybe tough on the outside, but soft on the inside and a little salty? Zing.
Here's Bitelabs' proposed culinary direction for the other celebs:
But there's one thing that the Bitelabs rep said that makes us question their cannibal credibility: "Other than highlighting bio-ethical issues, we are also interested in the way celebrity culture is consumed and hope that there is some kind of back-handed commentary on that." What could possibly be more backhanded than literally consuming celebrities? Maybe the fact that Bitelabs markets celebrity cannibalism as ever so eco-friendly:
Maybe once they've conquered salami, they can start on new food projects like bread made with "Yeastus" and delightful Kim Rump Roasts that you can wash down with a nice Natural Ice Light. Bon apetit, you guys!
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