The Big Aristotle threw up a brick on this one. We think we can safely say this even worse than Kazaam. The rap has a positive message, at least we think it does based on the neighborhood kids in the video. Shaq's mumbled undertones make it impossible to understand a word he says. We didn't think anyone could actually make Cheif Keef sound good.

Oooooh weeee wee, the Black Mamba brings the fire here. It's your standard club banger with a reggaeton beat and a chorus of children singing something inspirational. Kobe's premade rap isn't bad and the beat is actually good. But, like all things Kobe, it's fake as fuck.

And the winner is… Canadian boxer Fitz Vanderpool. Get em!