What do you get the man, woman or child that has everything? Well, poop. We bet they don't have a truckload of poop. But they will now thanks to a new service that will literally deliver poop to whoever you tell them to, be they mortal enemies or thoroughly confused friends. Introducing Shit Express, a self-described "simple way to send shit in a box around the world."

What do you get the man, woman or child that has everything? Well, poop. We bet they don't have a truckload of poop. But they will now thanks to a new service that will literally deliver poop to whoever you tell them to, be they mortal enemies or thoroughly confused friends. Introducing Shit Express, a self-described "simple way to send shit in a box around the world."

Residing on the sociopath scale somewhere in between writing your enemy a passive aggressive Post It and mailing them a decapitated head, shit is the best way to make your disdain for someone known. Or, in this case, alarmingly unknown, since Shit Express will express shit anonymously.

Cue the maniacal laughter! Revenge is neigh!

Here's how it works.

1. Choose a target. It should be someone you harbor some sort of seething inner hatred towards. Maybe it's your boss. Maybe it's your ex. Maybe it's your cat, who used to be cool growing up but now has a tumor or something and is not cool anymore.

Maybe it's that precocious 10-year-old girl in your apartment building whose beautiful cello playing reminds you that you've done nothing with your quarter century of life except impress yourself with your own ability to eat an entire calzone before an episode of Gilmore Girls is over. Her name's Amber, right? More like Am-bitch.

2. Choose what type of animal shit you'd like to send. Currently, "horse" is the only option available on the Shit Express website. But we're really looking forward to when they get salmon shit in there. It's just so much more inexplicable.

But for now, horse shit will do fine. Juuust fine.

3. Give them an address. Self-explanatory.

4. Choose how you'd like your shit wrapped. You can choose from "Plain," "Cute" or "Ceremonial." The differences between these options are not explained by Shit Express, but then again, do you really want to know? This is a shit-sending website for Christ's sake. Let's all keep the in-depth soul-searching to a minimum.

5. Pay anonymously with Bitcoin. That's right. Shit Express' anonymous payment option guarantees your poop delivery antics will never be traced … and that you have an excuse to use Bitcoins. Because what the fuck else are you going to use them for? Deep web LSD and hit men?

For the low, low price of about $17, here's an example of what you could be sending.

Ooh, such beautiful colors!

However, there is a slight catch. Because every country has their own safeguards protecting against the delivery of biohazardous materials, delivery is not guaranteed. So you may just have to get by on the knowledge that you did your very best to send a box of poo poo to that little prodigy twit Amber.

But regardless if the package actually makes in into the shocked and horrified hands of its programmed target, one thing's for sure. Sending butt candy will always … always be funnier than mature negotiation.