Finally you'll be able to eat low-quality beef products in a sauna without feeling ashamed.
We've been saying it for years: nothing goes together better than basking in hot wooden box and eating cheap fast food. It's a natural combination. Finally, the marketing geniuses at Burger King are making dreams a reality by opening the world's first Burger King spa in Helsinki, Finland.
Of course this weird debaucherous hot box is opening in Finland of all places. Finland is absolutely obsessed with saunas. Like, unhealthily obsessed with saunas. So much so that the Nordic country formerly hosted the World Sauna Championships from 1999-2001.
The event was exactly what you'd think it was — a contest to see who could stay in a 230°F sauna the longest. The event was eventually canceled when one contestant was cooked to death and another received third degree burns over the majority of his body. There wasn't even a prize for the winner of the contest.
Burger King says that the saunas will be great for social gatherings and work events. Really? That's disgusting. What a fucked up work even that would be. What's HR's opinion of sitting naked in a hot room eating greasy meat sandwiches with co-workers? That would not fly in the US.
The Helsinki Burger King spa has two saunas that can be rented out for about $285 for 3 hours. Surprisingly, they've already rented out the spa, which means people actually support the idea of a fast food spa. Granted, it seems that fast food is never actually served warm, so eating your shitty burger inside a sauna may be the best way to resolve that issue.
Maybe its just cultural differences that we can't understand, but this is appalling. Who wants to eat a Whopper and onion rings inside a 120°F room? You know what's often found on burgers? Mustard and mayonnaise. Have you ever consumed hot mayonnaise? It's horrific. Burger King is the last thing we'd want when we're cooking to death inside a sauna full of naked Finns. How is this not a health code violation?
You’re going to have to come up with better gimmicks, Burger King. Instead of trying to make Burger King seem healthier by installing a spa in your restaurants, maybe you could actually make healthy food. Or is that just too crazy an idea?