In a complete curveball from left field that absolutely no one saw coming, a recent study shows that Americans would prefer to live in states with legalized cannabis as opposed to states that still penalize marijuana users.

The study confirms what we’ve all been dreading: as people migrate in masses to legalized states, we’ve sadly realized that I-25 only stands to get worse, slowly slipping further into an overcrowded hellhole that when asked to drive our own father said that he’d “rather shit in his hands and clap.”

Real estate company Redfin released the study, which states that among those who have newly moved to a metro area, 46 percent claimed they want to live somewhere where, we don’t know, the community’s police officers don’t promise to continue to ticket and make arrests for marijuana the day after the city council approved a resolution to stop doing so.  

While 12 percent of survey respondents claimed they’d only live in a place where they could legally buy marijuana, 10 percent of survey respondents said they’d rule out moving to areas that have ended criminalization, which reminds us: this Thanksgiving, tell your grandparents to stop responding to surveys. 

A whopping 32 percent of survey respondents said that they didn’t care about cannabis legalization regardless of where they lived, and although they didn’t say it, we’d imagine it’s due to the fact that they’re grown adults who know that cannabis use is a personal choice that doesn’t bother anyone else.

Earlier this year, data from Zillow suggested that home values increase more in states where cannabis is legal, which explains why we can’t afford to live anywhere on the front range, but are also too stoned to care.

Redfin’s survey also brandished some other uncomfortable information, with 1 in 7 survey responders saying they’d refuse to live in a place where abortion is fully legal. If we had to guess, we’d propose these 1 in 7 responders are the same aforementioned 10 percent who have no idea how personal autonomy works.

As cannabis continues to grow into a must-have for many people entering new housing markets, we anxiously await the next Redfin survey that confirms that the majority of Americans will now only live in states with recreational PCP.