Friday motivational speeches aren't necessarily required but we have something that should help both men and women ease into the debaucherous weekend and make happy hour a much happier time. A study conducted by the State University of New York has found what men have tried convincing women for decades: that semen is good for your mental and physical health.
After surveying 293 women on the college campus regarding their sex lives and mental health, researchers found that sexually active women who "never" used condoms showed significantly fewer depressive symptoms than those who "always or "usually" used a jimmy hat. The study goes on to blast the prudes with its findings that women who used condoms were as depressed as women who abstained from the horizontal mambo.
But couldn't it be that sex in general helps with depression? The team of researchers suggests not.
Whether it enters orally or via unprotected sex, the "mood altering chemicals," contained within the semen fluid reduced depression, increased affection and helped women sleep. They even provided this hefty explanation that could double as the ultimate pick-up line for any man:
"Semen contains mood-elevating estrone and oxytocin, cortisol, melatonin, anti-depressant prolactin, thyrotropin releasing hormones and serotonin."
So there you have it, semen saves lives. Kinda. Either way, we decided that our new knowledge regarding semen's healing properties has opened the door to a number of possible new anti-depressant pick up lines. Here a few we came up with. Please share any you might have.
1. Don't wallow, just swallow.
2. Need a melatonin injection?
3. Prozacs for prudes.
4. Those voices in your head just called my name.
5. It's just what the doctor ordered. Literally.
6. Depressed? Get me up and I'll get you up.
7. I named him Xanax.
8. Touch it, it has healing powers.
9. Don't get down on yourself, get down on me.
10. Hey baby, you must be bipolar, because every time I see you, you're crying on the steps outside. Do you want to have sex because I just read an article that says semen is an anti-depressant. No? Go away? Ok, good talk.