The research is in and it looks like our long-time latex nemesis isn’t at all to blame for those flaccid dong blues.

The research is in and it looks like our long-time latex nemesis isn’t at all to blame for those flaccid dong blues.

A recent study of “nearly 500 heterosexual men aged 18-24 found that those who cited condoms as a barrier to an erection were more likely to be suffering from general erectile dysfunction whether they used a condom or not. Of those surveyed, 38 percent said condoms had no effect on their performance, while almost the same number reported problems either during application or sex itself.”

Hold it right there. Before everyone starts an all-out agro, throbbing, hard-off, take a breath. We’ve all been there. The ol’ post-wilt “Just give me a minute, Tina” bathroom mirror pep-talk. A regular balls-in-hand tour-de-force through the mental spank-tank rolodex to no avail. Happens to the best of us.

The evidence that its not your condom, it's your dick, keeps pouring in. The same study continues notes that, regardless of condom use or not, "around 16 percent of American men under 40 reported intermittent issues maintaining an erection.”

It’s ok, guys. That’s 1-in-6-ish, that’s a couple of guys on our intramural football team. Believe it or not, our awkwardly-hanging fruits aren’t mechanical, locked-and-loaded vagina-heat seeking missiles. They’re as finicky as they are inexplicably-bent or at times, asymmetrical.

But if the guys need an excuse, the researchers lent an olive branch. The study found that “more than a third of participants had never been taught how to use a condom correctly, which could be a major factor in young men believing that using one will affect them in the bedroom.”

See? “Look, Tina, I just don’t get it.” A dick in one hand. A dick-shaped bag in the other. Anyone could make that mistake. If they wanted us to figure it out, it should have come with an instruction manual or video tutorial. There’s a spray-on condom if that makes it any easier.

In the meantime, keep your eyes on the prize, gentlemen, and if all else fails, just remember the tried and true words of the Little Engine That Could—although having a Rooster Girl in mind couldn’t hurt either. Sorry, not sorry, Tina.