Football's great and all but not when your dick is the football …
Although a bigger penis is one of the pipe dreams of 103 percent of men walking this earth, a smaller penis is something that's rarely sought after … unless you're a teenager with an insane dick that's shaped like a football due to years of painful struggle with priapism.
The Daily Mail reports that the teen (who shall remain nameless, being a teen) complained to his doctor that his penis was way too big for him to play sports or have sex or not look like he was hiding a baby rhino in his pants.
Upon inspection, his doctor found that his dick was indeed too massive for daily use; the monstrous member was seven inches long … and ten inches in circumference.
Ten inches around?
Did you just hear that?
That was the sound of female's collective vaginas shutting around the world in perfect unison. Our heart goes out to you, anonymous teen.
His doctor compared its shape to a football, while some reporters at Gawker thought it looked like a baked potato …
Personally to us, it looks like a graphic depiction of the word "enthusiasm."
The Daily Mail also made sure to note that when it became aroused, the dick simply became firmer, not larger … which is relieving.
His doctor immediately recommended a penis reduction surgery, which has allegedly never been performed in the history of ever. But even despite the lack of surgical precedence, the procedure is actually pretty simple.
"It's a bit like having two side tummy-tucks," his doctor said. All he had to do was cut trough the teen's circumcision scar to remove tissue on both sides. A little snip-snip bam — a smaller penis for the first time.
Here's the after:
When the teen awoke from the surgery, he was "ecstatic" and "all smiles" to find that he now had a seven-inch, non-NFL approved cock.
And that reminds us of something … this kid's dick was mangled beyond recognition, yet in the end … it's still probably bigger than yours.
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