Rich People Consequences
Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman are the two most visible people in the college admissions scandal that broke just a few short months ago. To the shock of no one, it was found that rich people are paying massive sums of money to schools so their dumbass kids can attend. The best part about this? Some of these motherfuckers might go to prison. Always nice to see the legal system working for a change.
Legends walk amongst us. Just last month, Alibaba founder Jack Ma urged his employees to have more, uh, genital discussions, for a better work/life balance. Just how much you ask? Six times in six days, of course. So basically, have sex once a day with a short break in between to gain your strength back. We aren’t love robots you know … yet.
In mid-May it was announced that Disney would be taking “full operational control” over Hulu from Comcast. This of course is a direct “up yours” to both Netflix and Amazon, and a bold move before Disney’s own streaming service begins. But all great things come from competition with only us lowly consumers as the winners in the end.
Apple could have seen this one coming. Small wireless earpieces have been douchey since Bluetooth Headsets vomited unto the world in the early aughts. They’re miserable for the environment too, or so says Caroline Haskins, author of Airpods are a Tragedy. But at least the “poor people” memes that came from this mess are hot, hot fire. God love the Internet.
According to a recent study, sexually active Brits are increasingly getting wasted before they have sex — a veritable shortcut to getting off, hard. Over 60 percent of them do it, in fact. The problem with mixing drugs and sex so often, says Professor Adam Winstock, is that this “chemsex” could ruin intimacy for the long haul. “Tread lightly,” he says.
What do you get when you mix a has-been Hollywood elite and Twitter? Outrage and slime, basically. You get outrage and slime. This is what the online sphere turned into when the hasn’t-worked-in-a-while actress told all women to stop having sex until a controversial abortion ban in Alabama was reversed. Because what better way to get people to stop telling women what to do than to tell women what to do?
Our reproductive rights are being erased.
Until women have legal control over our own bodies we just cannot risk pregnancy.
JOIN ME by not having sex until we get bodily autonomy back.
— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) May 11, 2019
Pop Culture, Ruined
Did you watch the last season of Game of Thrones? Because if you didn’t, you probably spent a good amount of time telling people that you didn’t — so brave! And if you did, you may have been a bit soft at the end of it all. Not because the team didn’t do an incredible job of providing iconic entertainment for the past decade, but because people just ruin shit on social media now for the fun of it. Here’s a thought: knock it off.
So now thanks to Snapchat we all know what it’s like to be the opposite sex. Are we good? Enough with the gender-swap. It’s cute to want to sleep with your bro, but the consequences of deepfakes (fake videos of someone else’s face that are quite convincing) will become a huge problem in the future. Government officials have been looking at how to stop them, but, lol, good luck.