Sex in the time of COVID-19 is a strange thing.
Only recently, New York City’s Health Department released guidelines on how to have safe sex while there is a deadly pandemic on the loose. They recommended using glory holes, or having virtual sex to maintain social distance from others. They even tossed out some suggestions for having group sex: like have your orgies in a large, well ventilated room, and wear masks throughout the ordeal.
It was good advice, if not a little strange coming from a public institution.
But things aren’t just getting sexually tricky in NYC. People are getting bored and frisky, hot and bothered all over the world. And in Spain, it’s come down to police cock-blocking people for the greater, common good.
It was late on a Friday in Barcelona, when undercover COVID cops received a tip from a stranger who had been invited to a wild orgy. Apparently, the party’s host had (blatantly) invited some 30 people to come get down and dirty at their apartment, a clear and dangerous violation of Spain’s strict “shelter in place” laws.
Spain was one of the European countries hit hardest by COVID-19, with over 48,000 infections and almost 3,500 deaths. It’s a small country and a close culture which has made it a prime ground for the spread of this disease.
Needless to say, the cops, having caught wind of a 30-person sex party, in a country where COVID-19 did so much damage, decided to act on the tip and bust this orgy before it got out of hand. So, around 10 pm, the officers showed up to the apartment, buzzed the doorbell, and were welcomed in without question or hesitation.
Once inside the undercover-cops found cocaine, speed and meth scattered throughout the apartment, which was a’buzz with sexual activity. It was clear to the officers that no one at the party was interested in social distancing (or even hosting the orgy in a large and well-ventilated room, with masks required, as recommended by the NYC Health Department).
The officers promptly put a stop to all that frisky fun and arrested eight men, for breaking Spain’s shelter-in-place lockdown laws. No women were arrested and it’s hard to say whether that’s because the cops let them go without punishment, or because the orgy ended up being a major sausage fest.
Either way, it’s a bummer for everyone involved. The eight men who were arrested were just trying to have some good old-fashioned human fun — they weren’t doing anything that would or should normally be considered wrong. Now, however, in the era of COVID-19, their actions are considered criminal and are enough to get them arrested.
And realistically, it sucks for the cops, too. No one likes being a cock-block or a party pooper (especially at a sex party), and cops probably don’t get invited to orgies all that often. It was likely very hard and very awkward for them to break up something that would otherwise be so harmless and so fun.
But that’s just the state of the world right now: even orgies are against the law.
These are dark times, indeed.
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