According to the Amazon Critics tumblr, not everyone liked The Hobbit or Toy Story quite as much as you…and their explanations should all get Pulitzer prizes.

It doesn't matter if you've seen the film 20 times or if you've never seen it and want to know what it's about; these Amazon Critic reviews will do absolutely nothing to to help you. But they will, mark our words, make you giggle like a little bitch. Here's a few of our favorites.