If you’re stupid and you know it clap your hand!

Woman orders food, tells server: ‘This one’s on God’
Delila Hernandez, a formerly hungry 30-year-old woman from New Mexico, was recently charged with robbery after ordering a meal at Sonic and then telling the server, “This one’s on God” before running away. “That’s not how this works,” the underpaid server reportedly said to her as she bolted for Shangri-La. And thus, no fucks were given that day. 
—–

Man denied passport because of vulgar last name
A former soldier from Cornwall, UK, recently had his third challenge denied by the Home Office to obtain a passport. The organization said his name, Kenny Fu-Kennard, “may cause offence.” The 33-year-old man changed his name for fun after his previously chosen moniker, Coco Kenny, was deemed too immature by the army. Hmm. Kenny Fu-Kennard … Kenny FuKennard … Kenny Fukennard … oh okay there’s the joke, took us a while. Yeah the UK sucks for this one. 
—–

Five guys arrested for fighting at Five Guys restaurant
This past July, five stand-up Florida gentlemen were arrested for participating in a brawl that both began and ended at the Five Guys Burgers and Fries restaurant. “Five guys were involved in the fight, and those five guys found themselves under arrest,” the Stuart Police Department wrote on Facebook. Finally, a prophecy worth having fulfilled.
—–

Reader Walk of Shame Submission

The Deed Reed
"This one time, at band camp … no, I really shouldn’t start the story like that, but it was like an overnight music camp in high school and it was exactly like in the movies. Just teenagers being dirty. My friend bet me my clarinet reed wouldn’t ‘go in there’ and welp I’m scarred emotionally for life now because of it."
-Sierra A.

(Want to have your story printed in the magazine? Spill the beans at Contact@theRooster.com — we'll give you a tshirt for your shame!)