Everyone has at least a couple really cringey moments that their brain no doubt chooses to bring up right as the person is about to go to bed. Luckily for us, we have a whole shitflood of ‘em, to really keep a spicy variety available when we lay down at night. Here’s a few of them.
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Every Single “You Too” That We’ve Ever Said
Whether it’s in response to “Enjoy your meal,” or “Have a good workout,” every single time we’ve ever told a worker “you too” it’s been an absolute goddamned disaster. Last week when we were leaving the liquor store, the clerk told us to have a nice night and we replied with a “See you tomorrow.” Isn’t that the saddest shit you’ve ever heard?
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That Time We Confused “Condoms” and “Condos” During That Story We Were Telling At Summer Camp
Back in Summer Camp around third grade, our family was moving to Colorado, and we were explaining to several of our peers in addition to a few camp counselors that, during the move, our family was staying in a rented condo. Only, instead of saying condo, we said “condom,” which caused a fit of laughter from everyone as they pictured our family living in an-extra ribbed latex Trojan house. We still think about it a few times a year. Jesus Christ.
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Getting Caught Hiding Our Mom’s Victoria Secret Magazines in the Bathtub of Our Childhood Home Back in Third Grade
Back in elementary school, we got caught hiding mom’s backlog of saved Victoria’s Secret magazines in the guest room bathtub of our childhood home. We probably had like, six or seven catalogs in there until our mom did some spring cleaning one day. We got grounded for a few weeks for that move, and in hindsight, we find that a little confusing. Months later, we would accidentally stumble across internet pornography while trying to play Sonic the Hedgehog flash games on our family’s 1994 microsoft computer, and as soon as that old piece of shit froze, we panicked and turned the monitor off.
Later, when our father got home, instead of hitting us with a belt for whatever sins we had committed that day in the care of our mother, he took us out to ice cream and we got a double scoop of mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone at a Braum’s outside of Bentonville, Arkansas, which to this day is the best outcome of looking at internet porn that we’ve ever had in our 27 years on Planet Earth.
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