America is under attack from within. While the mainstream media diverts the public eye towards terror attacks, political scandals, Giraffe pregnancies and benign issues like the national economy, a very real and serious threat has been growing among us, just beyond the spotlight of national news. 

Toddlers. They're killing innocent Americans every year, everywhere, gunning people down all over the country, in their own homes, no less. 

And we’re not talking about a couple of isolated incidents, here. This is happening all the time. 

In 2016, these squat little danger monkeys shot and killed almost twice as many Americans as terrorists did – and that’s including far-right wing white terrorists, as well as Islamic jihadists (both immigrants and US citizens). On average, toddlers are responsible for around twenty deaths per year. 

This is not trivial. And it is something that activist organizations like toddlerskill.org are trying to bring attention to. 

“It’s time we did something,” their satirical PSA says, over an ominous soundtrack. “We need to lock them up. Not the guns – that’s just un-American. The toddlers. Round them up. Deport them. Get them out of our country. And keep them away from our guns.”

While the Toddlerskill.org PSA is clearly mocking these murderous-toddlers, their message is actually a pretty somber one. Because they aren’t making this shit up – toddlers are actually killing Americans all around the country every single year. Sometimes they kill themselves, sometimes they kill another toddler or a parent. And, across the board, every one of these instances has a common variable: irresponsible gun ownership. Toddlers find a loaded gun, and it goes off. 

That’s why the Brady Campaign is behind the PSA and toddlerskill.org. They are a political lobbying organization dedicated to preventing gun violence and promoting safety regulations for firearms. In a press release about the PSA, they said, “This PSA is satire. But the public health crisis it calls attention to is anything but. Whether the trigger is pulled by a toddler, a convicted felon, domestic abuser, or terrorist, we have a problem in America with guns too easily falling into the wrong hands. And that translates to hundreds of lives lost or changed forever every single day.”

It's a fair point. Who in their right mind gives a toddler a loaded gun and expects to live? 

The issue is complex. And it’s one that doesn’t have a clear solution. Because, as stated by the foreboding narrator of the PSA (albeit jokingly), confiscating or destroying every gun in the country would be “un-American” – and as much as people want to argue that, there is no hope that this country is ever going to require people get rid of their firearms. It wouldn’t just be un-American, it would be un-realistic. 

And at the same time, there is no other first-world nation on Earth that has citizens being shot every five minutes. There is no other nation on Earth with as many mass shooting events every year as America has. No other nation that has to seriously make satirical PSA’s about murder rates by toddlers. 

Simply because, no other nation on Earth has more guns in it than it has people. 

So, what are we left with? How do we stop these murderous little fuckers from mowing people down like blades of grass? 

Moderation. Middle ground. Compromise. 

We’re not getting rid of guns in America any sooner than we’re getting rid of toddlers. That’s just a Truth people need to accept. But some better regulations, stricter background checks, and mandatory gun-safety courses for prospective gun owners all sound pretty reasonable. There are ways to make sure we don’t get killed by toddlers – we just have to implement them. 

And, in the end, they are the same ways that we’re going to reduce domestic acts of terrorism; the same ways we’re going to reduce the number of gun-related deaths that happen in this country annually (33,000 a year, for the record). 

So, it’s an issue worth addressing. If for no other reason than to protect America from its own children.