Started from the bottom and now he's here … and by bottom we mean literally the worst MySpace profile of all time. OF ALL TIME.

Ahh, Tom Hardy: Infamous star of Mad Max, outspoken gay activist, hunky chunky body builder and now, thanks to some genius who sleuthed his old MySpace profile … purveyor of vast internet wisdom and hilariously shameful self-photography.

You see, before Tom was famous and had a publicist and team of frantic social media interns to make him look cool on the interwebs, he posted a lot of super embarrassing shit on MySpace.

Evidence from his long lost account shows him mean mugging for the camera, duck-facing, prancing around in his little undies, and generally conducting himself as most young dudes do upon discovering its possible to broadcast an internet persona online.

According to his profile, he was there looking for “serious relationships,” “friends” and “networking." He's also about an inch tall according to his vital stats … my how time changes a man!

Nice. That's a pretty funny joke, Tom. Because you look at least 5'3" in this photo:

Other selections from Tom's wild and wacky pre-fame life include him "just cooking a turkey, LOL" …

… and making questionable life decisions such as getting this tattoo that says "Till I die SW."

But even as hard as his persona and slowly developing abs were, he still liked to showcase his goofy side  …

… Yeah. Note the muscular progression of his body from the previous photographs. Steroids rule!

There is no doubt in anyone's mind about how much he likes to play dress up either … COOL!

But perhaps the most endearing part of his MySpace time capsule is, by far, though, is his lengthy and completely psychotic “About Me” section, in which he uses every literary tool in his power to convey the many truths of his soul. We highlighted the best parts for your viewing pleasure.

I never lie. If you suck you suck..If you’re good I take my hat off and I’m all over you. I’ll bend over backwards to help anyone of their word.. fuck me around I’ll let it go I’m not here for stuff I’m here to live and give whatever it is I can to nourish rather than to take and move on, I’m course and straight, I act for a living now adopting characters for money, it is a languague I was born into, I always wanted to be someone else, it isn’t rocket science it’s easy, now that I’ve made amends for lying to myself, it is a trade craft nothing more.

I pray I don’t get caught up “living the dream.” such a lonely place. having said that; your best like my best just isn’t good enough. ever, no scarface syndrome here, no resting on laurels, there is always work to do, I’ll clean up my side of the street promptly admitting where I am wrong, the work doesn’t stop.

I’m Grateful, arrogant self centred, tenacious, versatile, honest, honourable, loyal, loving, gentle, consistent, reliable, focussed, prideful, passionate and nuts. I have a head like a disco ball, if I say I’ll do something, unless I absolutely can’t it gets done, I never give up on humanity, I love people. I want to see communities stand up, honest and open, flexing to the fullest of their capabilities and combined usefullness. happy. I laugh at bullies. I am reactionary but I have learned to hold my tongue and my trigger finger. Man made mistakes take lives from those that deserve to recover in time, there is always another way forward better even if it is around the side or back, I try to find it. the mind is like a parachute it will only work when it is opened.

i am often afraid. So I have to share.I want to help, it’s not my business to judge, I make mistakes, I stand corrected, I accept casualties and walk with hope because I fucking LOVE. I could so easily be dead. My head is like a dangerous neighbourhood I should never be in it without an appropriate adult. left to my own devices I’ll crash the motor. Religion to me is a neccesssary device for the presence of combined faith, branded for those who want to get into heaven, I have to have faith, but I chose the path of spirituality, spirituality seems to me to be for those who’ve been to Hell. I don’t want to go back there. I am a goldfish walking through a desert. Thank you H.P for my life. I want to work and be useful, be part of the solution and not the problem…

what a load of self satisfied smug and charmless tatter x

Holy shit, Tom Hardy. Back when we were MySpacing, the most provacative thing we did was put Avenged Sevenfold on our Top 8 and put an 'X' in our user name … But Tom really, really takes the cake. Just like he does with acting. Just like he does with steroids, maybe. Anyway, the moral of the story is that if Tom Hardy can rise from the ashes of his harrowing MySpace profile to become a beautiful phoenix of dramatic arts, there is hope for you yet

Always here to motivate you, boo.