Raise your hand if you're confused about a train's ability to kill you. Yeah, like a freight train. Anyone? Anyone?

Well if this guy had hands left, he would raise them. Last week, he was mangled and his girlfriend killed after they decided to spice up their sex life by enjoying some good old fashioned vaginal penetration on the train tracks. Said the man,

My girlfriend and I could not overcome our passionate nature and wanted to feel a sense of thrill near a railway track.

"Near", as in right on. The couple, who was reportedly a little tipsy, was sick and tired of having sex on/around/in places in which there was no danger of being sliced in half, so they wandered onto the tracks and proceeded to put it in. They did not, however, notice that there was a killer train hurtling towards them. But sadly, dear readers, there was indeed a killer train hurtling towards them. On the train tracks that killer trains seem to always be on. The woman was killed instantly (best way to die?), but the man lived…to lose both of his legs. They were kinky Ukrainians.

Fuck, we guess this means we have to take Ukrainian train tracks off our list of places to bang. We'll just have to do it in the car for now…