Like a good neighbor, your penis is there. A Canadian underwear company, UNDZ, announced that they are offering a $50,000 penis insurance policy to customers who buy three pairs of skivvies on their website. The policy doesn’t cover sex changes or a penectomy performed by your irate girlfriend. But, if you find yourself in any of the situations these shmucks got themselves in, you’ll be happy you bought your tighty whities on the internet.

Like a good neighbor, your penis is there. A Canadian underwear company, UNDZ, announced they are offering a $50,000 penis insurance policy to customers who buy three pairs of skivvies on their website. The policy doesn’t cover sex changes or a penectomy performed by your irate girlfriend. But, if you find yourself in any of the situations these shmucks got themselves in, you’ll be happy you bought your tighty whities on the internet.

In honor of this awesome/insane policy here are six guys who should've got their dicks insured. 

1) A 30-year-old Australian man got his wang stuck in machinery at a sawmill. Luckily, his buddies reacted quickly and he was able to keep his tool. If he had insurance, he could have used that $50,000 to open a flower shop. No florist has ever had his dick ripped off. 

2) Another Australian dick met its maker, when a 23-year-old factory worker got it stuck in a grinder. Apparently in Australia you’re not required to wear pants on the job. He’s OK, but now the poor guy pisses like a sprinkler.

3) Stuart Keen, a 54-year-old Englishman, was building his dear mum a cabinet when he got a little carried away and sawed his penis clean off. His soprano shrieks alerted dear sweet mum to call the paramedics. They successfully reattached his willy, and that’s the last time he ever does anything nice for her again.

4) In China in a secretary was deep-throating her boss in a parking lot after work. Just when things were getting steamy, a van crashed into their car. The impact caused the woman to bite down and off came the pecker. It was reattached, but word's still out if he’ll ever let a set of pearly whites near his member ever again.

5) A man in Jamaica was going about his day when a pack of mongrel dogs attacked him, and ran off with his dick. After getting eight stitches, friends tried to help him look for it but, “It seem like ants or something like dat must gone with it."

6) While soccer isn’t that big of a deal on this side of the Atlantic, they go hardcore in Germany. Twenty-one-year-old Chavdar Yankow got his dick ripped open after being tackled on the pitch. Team doctors gave him six stitches and then the crazy motherfucker went back and played. The team won 2-0 that day. He definitely earned it.