The topic doesn't matter. The words themselves don't matter. All that matters is that if you tell R. Kelly to make a song about it, he'll massage and caress it until he makes it into a panty-dropping slow jam like the Pied Piper of R&B that he is. And it's the most priceless thing you'll see all day.

Damn, R. Kelly really can make a lyric out of literally anything. He just closes his big brown eyes, points at a word, makes sweet love to it, then lays it down into a soothing slow jam. Look; just say a word, any word, and hell chop and screw that thing until it's a syrupy sweet melody. Let's try, shall we?

PREGNANT: "Get deep in you like The Abyss/ You bring your ass home all pregnant” (“Used to Me Spending”)

COOKIE: “Cookie, cookie, cookie, I’m a cookie monster” (“Cookie”)

BLACK HOLE: “I'm about to twinkle it and touch your soul/ Once I enter into your black hole” (“Sex Planet”)

DOCTOR: “After that gotta go, got appointments girl/ I'm a doctor, I got other clients girl” (“In Da Club”)

CAPRICORN: “Cause inside your walls there will dwell a Capricorn/ That will feast your body all night” (“The Greatest Sex”)

DOGS: “Now listen up close, I won't say it again/ Skip a dog, y'all cat is a man's best friend” (“In Da Club”)

JEEP: "You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it” (“You Remind Me of Something”)

DOLPHIN: "Swimming in your waters with you/ I wanna be a dolphin to you, goin’ eee-eee-eee-eee” (“Sex Dolphin”)

DINOSAUR: “Like Jurassic Park/ Except I'm your sex-a-saurus, baby” (“The Zoo”)*

HARMONY: “You a sexy melody with a touch of freaky harmony” (“Feelin’ You in Stereo“)

PARACHUTE: “I think I need a parachute, parachute, parachute/ I’m going down on you” (“Parachute”)

FEET: “Sex: Put it on you like shoes on feets” (“Ringtone”)

YODELING: “I hope you're ready, girl, to scream and moan/ Like yodelay, yodelay, oh, ooo-hoo/ Wanna hear you echo, echo” (“Echo”)

Eee-eee-eee, we love you, R. Kelly.