What do you think about Jeff Bezos going into space?

Jeff Bezos just resigned from his job at Amazon and went through a divorce that cost him $38 billion dollars (which is nothing to him). Most guys going through a midlife crisis would buy a Sea-Doo and a few shirts bedazzled in rhinestones, he’s the richest man on the planet, so naturally, he bought a spaceship. Makes total sense. Let him go. He deserves to be happy for once! Besides wouldn’t you rather have him in space than have him end up crashing the pool at the Hard Rock in Miami? You booked an all inclusive, you’re trying to enjoy a foam party, you look over and there’s Jeff Bezos? No thanks.

What’s the best thing about your job as a comedian?

Honestly, it’s a pretty great job. Hard to pick a favorite thing. Getting to hang and get to know people you’ve always admired is pretty cool. I once got so high with Chappelle in the green room I could hear the filaments in the light bulbs. I also get %25 off of the fried food on the menu at every comedy club nation wide! It’s wild I tells ya!!

I drop food on the ground all the time and pick it up and eat it because I don’t want to waste it. It drives my girlfriend insane. Am I wrong for doing this?

Lot of variables here. It all depends on the floor, foot traffic and type of food. If you’re at home, anything goes! I’ll eat a face down slice of pizza from my own floor. Are you doing this in public? If so, she’s %100 in the right. If you’re within 50ft of a public toilet eating anything off the ground = repulsive. Don’t be a sewer rat. Just cut your losses & place another order.

I work for a pretty big firm and recently went to an out-of-town work conference where there were cocktail parties afterwards. The last night we hit it pretty hard and at one point my boss offered me cocaine. I declined, for several reasons but now it feels awkward in the office. What should I do?

Of course it feels awkward, He probably thinks you’re a narc! However, this is a pretty big power shift you can use to your advantage. I doubt he’s going to give you any trouble about taking a four day weekend if you’ve seen him blast a rail off of a toilet tank at the Hyatt!

I’m taking my first vacation in 4 years and I’m heading to Mexico. Ever been? Any pointers?

Yes! I love Mexico. I go as often as I can. My advice, drink as much water as you can while you’re there! It’s delicious. People always talk about the music, the food, the culture… for me it’s the water! Can’t beat it!

I’m no doctor, but if you’re experiencing insomnia I highly recommend pancakes.