Thanksgiving is such a special time. It’s a time to celebrate gratitude with friends and family, to enjoy good food and drink together. And, of course, if you listen to conventional wisdom or mainstream media, it’s a time to avoid all talk of conspiracies and/or politics, at all costs. Stick to vanilla subjects and walk on eggshells, says Good Morning America; set an expectation before the meal, suggests People Magazine.
To hell with all that nonsense, though. We at Rooster encourage quite the opposite from our readers: we recommend getting a running start, and leaping headfirst into that strange minefield, without fear or trepidation! Why avoid the really juicy subjects just because your family might disagree, or “become irreparably damaged” or whatever? Isn’t this whole holiday about acknowledging our differences and about gratitude in overcoming them?
Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Either way, it’s more entertaining to light a fuse and watch the fam-jam blow up like an accident at a Chinese fireworks factory. That’s why, this November, we’re arming you with some of Juan Wilder’s favorite, most contentious and hotly debated conspiracies to send any Thanksgiving dinner into a flame-engulfed tailspin.
FACT: Bill Gates is initiating a New World Order! In November 2019 Gates hosted a “Pandemic simulation” called Event 201 describing like a gypsie fortune teller, how COVID-19 would unfold in coming years. Fast forward to today and Gates’ wealth has increased by $32.6 billion from 2019 (a 33% increase). How? He was recently boasting that his investments in vaccine/health companies had made him a 20-1 return in the last year. Which is taking “insider trading” to a whole new level.
FACT: The Scorpions’ ballad “Wind of Change” was written by the CIA. The CIA is well known for using art and culture to influence world events—and for employing artists and influencers to do it. They got to Scorpions singer, Klaus Mein, in 1990. A mysterious American hand delivered lyrics to him in a very shady hotel encounter, and then the very non-Scorpion-sounding song became the anthem for the fall of the Soviet Union.
FACT: The Bible’s “angels” are actually descriptions of UFO encounters. Contrary to popular belief, “angels” described in the bible are not cute Scandinavians with harps and halos. They are actually described as terrifying, shapeshifting, many-winged, wheels within wheels, engulfed in flames that came down from the “heavens” and were completely covered in “eyes.” Ezekiel saw some crazy shit.
FACT: Facebook’s October “shut down” was a thinly veiled data purge. The day after a whistleblower threatens to reveal compromising information and a day before she was set to testify before congress, Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp DNS all conveniently “crashed,” going completely offline, worldwide, for a full six hours. Coincidence? Clearly not. This was a preemptive data purge, to cover their asses and their assets before congress demanded to see their data in its entirety. The Zuck wasn’t going to fuck with that. But what kinds of data did they delete? That’s the $65 million question. Which, incidentally, is how much Facebook lost during the “outage.”
FACT: Antarctica is housing secret military projects, Nazis and alien technology. We don’t even know where to start on this one—just trust us: they’re doing anti-gravity, inter-dimensional weapons experiments down there.
A Conspiracy To Clear The Air
Okay, okay—if you’ve dropped any (or all) of those bombs over the table, people are probably screaming, blood pressures are rising, forks are being pointed, and things are generally not going well. Mission accomplished! Here’s one to clear the air:
Fact? Birds aren’t real. They’re all government surveillance drones. In 1956 President Dwight D. Eisenhower met with Allen Dulles, then-Director of the CIA. Dulles was obsessed with surveillance (and hated birds) and wanted to put “eyes in the sky” to watch over the entire country. Eisenhower approved. So Dulles hatched a plan: to kill every single bird in America, and replace them with billions of highly sophisticated robotic surveillance drones, capable of mimicking birds in every way. Very long story short, they were successful in their endeavours. And today, every single bird — every goddamned one of them — is watching, recording, and reporting on us to the CIA. Think twice before you hang that bird feeder outside your window.
If any of these conspiracy FACTS intrigue you, I’d recommend Google searching the phrases in bold. Even if you don’t use them to derail a holiday dinner, each one of these is a cavernous rabbit hole, well worth a deep-dive. Even if you don’t wholeheartedly believe the premise, there is a nugget of truth in all of them. And in some, you’ll find far more than a single nugget.