Solar-sobriety is suuuuuuuch a bummer …

If it weren’t coming from Japan we would have sworn this next bit of booze news was pulled right from an obscure Portland rag or deep-Brooklyn coffee shop blog or whathaveyou — because this is hipster as fuck.

Tokyo-based Suntory, a distillery known for its “best in the world” spirits, announced it will be sending some of its bottles to the netherworlds to test the effects of weightlessness on the “mellowing of alcohol beverage.”

It will be sending off six samples to the International Space Station (ISS) next month and will observe the effects of zero-gravity on the aging process — unless thirsty astronauts get to it first, that is.

Because these astronauts live inside of the station for months and are alone, in space, with no television, no outdoor activity and frankly no rules — HAVING NO RULES, RULES! So a care package comes their way with 6 bottles of the world’s best tasting whiskey and they’re told not to lay a weightless finger on it?

Un-bloody-believable. We’ve never heard of such torture. Water-board please! Just let our lonely souls have a drink — we’re in space! Anything but solar-sobriety!

And the kicker? The stuff won’t even be for sale. These greedy Tokyoians are going to drink it themselves for “science” — and leave none for anyone else. To be honest, we hope its ruined and it teaches them a lesson to not let space-walkers have any fun …