Breaking news: A local Denver hero is selling a car and plane-crushing 2002 Maibatsu Truckasaurus on Craigslist. And here we were, thinking Craigslist was just a place to meet other people with panda fetishes …

Breaking news: A local Denver hero is selling a car and plane-crushing 2002 Maibatsu Truckasaurus on Craigslist. And here we were, thinking Craigslist was just a place to meet other people with panda fetishes …

The model for sale comes with a 500 horsepower Cummins diesel engine and it's been wired to run on the souls of the damned, which should make it even more efficient! It's transmission type has been described as, "Hah!" if that gives you any idea what kind of metal dino-tron we're dealing with here.

So, why would anyone sell such a priceless spectacle of technology? From the ad:

I love this thing, but unfortunately changes in my life situation (and parking situation in Cap Hill) forces me to sell. Apparently you can't safely fit a car seat in this thing, according to my wife. It's been lovingly cared for, washed at least once a week and always fed a steady diet of compact cars and aircraft. Great for anyone with inadequacy issues, or just one-upping Dave in Accounting and his new Land Rover (what better way to one-up him than eat the land rover and take over his parking spot?)

Fine, but we've already dealt with our inadequacy issues by getting faux-hawks. What else do you have for us?

-It *DOES* have cupholders. There are two, one is sized for a 120oz Big Gulp, and the other will fit a tallboy perfectly. There is also a built-in Kegerator.

-Sadly, it is illegal to just pick up cars blocking your way and crush them. Apparently this isn't as Free of a country as I thought.

-The flamethrowers run on garden variety propane. It uses standard grill cylinders, so it's super cheap and easy to refill them.

-It's registered as a Truck, and I believe you *can* get Handicap tags on it.

-Unfortunately, it doesn't qualify for the Fuel-Efficient parking spots at Sprouts, but you can probably park there anyways. I guarantee nobody will try and stop you.

-It's probably not the best way to get to the resorts. While I have put a ski rack on it, the Eisenhower Tunnel is a bit of a challenge. I guess if you are headed to Loveland or Winter Park you are probably okay.

Sold! That's a lot of value for the measly $37,000 asking price on it. We mean, that's how much a new Highlander would cost. But why spend you money on a new car, when you can spend it on a robot dinosaur that'll masticate other people's new cars in it's demon mouth until it feels they're the right consistency to swallow, digest, and destroy? Exactly.

Just don't ask us to help you move once you see us riding dirty in this thing.