Inevitably you'll go on a first date, and inevitably there is be an awkward silence, and inevitably talk about Chinese concentration camps in Russia to break this silence and inevitably you'll return to your lonely life and cat Mr. Mitten's unless you heed our advice.


Asking Her Out

Guys, when you decide to finally ask this chick out, make sure you have a plan in mind when you call her. Don’t just call to say, “Hey, want to hang out sometime?” She’ll probably say yes, but when? Where? Tell her you have an extra ticket to a show or ask her out to a movie. Try to avoid inviting her to a huge party if you want to spend one-on-one time with this chick; telling her your friend is throwing a fat rager tonight means she might roll with a huge group of friends (i.e. you have to compete that much harder for her attention). Also, girls tend to stick with their friends. If you do ask her to a huge party, plan accordingly, bring some of your boys and make them play wingman. 

Chicks, if a guy asks you out, don’t say yes just to amuse him. If you don’t like him, don’t get the kid’s hopes up, say no. If you do say yes, don’t be too excited. Being too eager this early is an automatic red flag to clinginess. So be calm, accept, and keep the conversation short. If the guy asks you to do something you’re not that interested in, do offer an alternative. Guys like chicks who are assertive, so come up with something else. Don’t want to get dinner at the new Thai place? Ask him if he wants to go see a basketball game instead.

The Pick Up

Guys, when you go to pick up the chick for your date, do be on time. If you’re 10 minutes late, your date is going to think you stood her up and start trashing you to her roommates. That’s going to be awkward when you have to meet them when you finally show up. If you’re running late, call or text your date to let her know. Your courtesy will go a long way when you’re trying to get her pants off later that night.

Girls, don’t primp while your date waits. It’s annoying. It’s cliché. You know you have a date tonight, you know what time he is showing up, so just be fucking ready when he comes to the door. Having your date sit with your roommates he doesn’t know while you finish doing your hair while bumping to Miley Cyrus’  “Party in the USA” is rude. Before he comes to get you, do discuss an escape plan with your friends. If the date is going down the shitter, make sure you can shoot a text to your friend who can call you with an “emergency.” 

Wine and Dine

Guys, when you do get to the restaurant and sit down at your table, this is when your date really starts. Of course you’ll have to do the small talk: what’s your major? where are you from? how was your day? blah, blah, blah. At no point should your answers to these questions ever lead to A) your ex, B) your foot fetish or bondage fantasies, C) what you want to name your first born, or D) a mysterious rash you got after your last one-night stand. It’s cool to be honest, but not that honest. No one wants to know that your ex gave you the clap after she tied you to the bed post. Guys, do try to keep your eyes above chest-level. By all means, do grab a quick glance at your date’s rack when she’s ordering, but don’t linger.

Ladies, when you go out to dinner, don’t be the girl that orders just a garden salad. By no means is it offensive if you have a burger and a beer. If anything, it shows your date you aren’t a prissy bitch. At the end of dinner, guys grab the check, but if your date insists on splitting it, do it. You don’t want to piss off a feminist and hey, you just got out of paying more money.

The Big Finish

After your date, walk her to her door. It’s gentlemanly and might even warrant an invite back in, meaning you’re that much closer to getting into her bed (pants). If your date went well and you want to do it again, don’t be a coward. Call your date. See if they want to hang out again. There is no need to play the 3-day rule. Just go for it. If the date sucked, cut your losses and get back in the game.

Chicks, say your thank yous, make plans for another night, and if you’re feeling it, invite him in. Some may say it’s slutty, but hey, your in college. If you can’t be a bit promiscuous now, when can you?