Your days of cold showers and crying in the dark are over. Better yourself with our five steps to thinking positive about your mediocre life. 

And doggone it, people will like you.


Happy with your job
Nothing is better for your self-esteem than having a stable career you take pleasure in. If you hate what you do, you’re probably going to be miserable during your free time, too, and this sorrow will rub off on those around you. Maintaining a relaxed and friendly demeanor after working hours will cause people to respect you simply because you’re not a whiny, little bitch.

Clean living space
Guys, it should be common sense by now that a little concern for orderliness can go a long way. A woman’s inherent neatness causes her opinion of you to be greatly affected by your hygienic consideration for yourself and your surroundings. Failure to clean your dog’s puke from your living room carpet for weeks on end is fucking disgusting. An orderly space encourages company and bespeaks discipline, thus revealing strong character.

Good communicator
Communicating in a competent manner typically indicates a person is a well-read intellectual. The ability to articulate thoughts with a relatively expansive vocabulary renders you a mentally stimulating person to others. An elegant style of speaking radiates confidence, which attracts swooning women and gives you every right to that feeling that you are all that is man.

Worldly inclinations
Traveling abroad (night trips to Tijuana for tequila poppers and donkey shows don’t count) can greatly enhance an attentive mind. An engrossment in a novel culture and isolation from the comfort zone of your native country broadens your perspective on the world and deepens your understanding of yourself. Your enriched sophistication will magnetize female friends, especially if you succeeded in learning a new language. Ladies love a guy who’s good with his tongue.

Women are constantly stating how important it is for their partner to be able to make them laugh, and we couldn’t agree more. A robust sense of humor is a good indicator of a lively character and a playful nature; and nobody wants to grow old with a humorless bore. The allure of an aptitude for comedy should never be underestimated; if it can get Robin Williams laid, it can theoretically do anything.



Beautiful without (or with minimal) makeup
Any girl can look decent after enough makeup and/or attention from a skilled stylist. Well, almost any girl. Other women have the capacity to look spectacular just moments after waking, and in general shift the male libido into overdrive. Innately impatient, men loathe waiting for women to powder up. If you can be ready to go out within minutes, you’ll be a goddess in men’s eyes.

Cooking abilities
The most direct way to a man’s heart is through his mouth, as his stomach is second only to his brain in its ability to foster feelings. Some men hate to cook, so if you don’t mind the tedious tasks involved in preparing proper meals, you might just catch your guy’s eye. If your meals are tasty, he’ll soon forget about his suspicions that you’re trying to win his affections by playing on his appetite—thus winning his affections by playing on his appetite.

Know how to have fun
People who really know how to cut loose are much more exciting to be around than nervous wrecks that are always worried what people are thinking about them. Women who go shot for shot with the guys, throw vulgarities around and speak their minds are infinitely more appealing than proper ladies with impeccable social etiquette who bore the shit out of them.

Reasonable expectations
It’s amazing how many women don’t let their boyfriends spend time with the boys, smoke weed or partake in small endeavors that bring them joy for no particular reason. The only thing more bewildering is the amount of wretched men who put up with overbearing bitches. A woman’s capacity to empathize and accept that her partner has other needs she can’t satisfy is greatly revered by every male ever.

Sexually insatiable
When a man becomes involved with an attractive woman possessing sexual vigor that equals his, no amount of words can express his delight. Sexual intercourse is incredibly therapeutic and couples who engage in it regularly tend to be happier and fight less. No other characteristic is more highly regarded by men than the ability to sustain a stable sex life.