“This guy used to treat me like a vending machine when he’d finger me. He’d just poke his finger in and out like he was pressing C4 for a bag of Ruffles,” Olivia, 26, tells us.

“My ex would reach so far up into my pussy, it felt like he was trying to stab his hand into my intestines and stir everything around,” Hannah, 24, explains.

"I once got a UTI from literally being finger-banged. It was terrible. I don’t mind fingers inside me, but most guys don’t know how to do it right so it’s usually just annoying,” Katie, 26, says.

These three ladies, along with countless more disappointed women, believe that fingering has the potential to be the erotic, stimulating, pussy-soaking sex act we’d always dreamed of, if not for one major problem — most men are terrible at it.

So we spoke with several ladies to identify where men’s skills are lacking, and it seems the same mistakes are always being made.

First, fellas are sticking one lone finger in our vaginas and assuming we’ll shriek with pleasurable ecstasy. “When a skinny dick doesn’t cut it, why would one skinny finger feel any better?” Claudia, 27, explains.

Second, they’re entirely ignoring our clitoris. Instead of jamming your finger(s) as far up as they’ll go, try alternating finger-penetration with some clit stimulation. Better yet, try adding fingering to your oral sex abilities. Too much focus on one area won’t do, so find the right balance and walk that tight-rope ‘til she climaxes.

The third (and perhaps worst) mistake comes from the aggressive finger-er. The finger blaster, the finger banger, the finger rammer. “Someone once tried to finger me through my clothes during a concert, even though I told him not to. I was wearing a leotard, and he couldn’t seem to figure why he couldn’t get his fingers in the right spot, so he actually tried fingering me through the cloth. I begged him to stop because it felt absolutely awful,” Samantha, 25, recalls.

“A boy once tried to finger me while I was on my period, and even though I told him to stop, he didn’t listen. When you have a tampon in, it’s extremely uncomfortable for someone to try squeezing some fingers in there, too,” Gina, 25, says.

Although this should go without saying, if we’re telling you to stop, we probably have a good reason. Stop being so forceful, withdraw your fingers, and listen.

Finally, if you plan on fingerjamming anytime soon, groom those appendages. “Most guys aren’t washing their hands before ramming their fingers in there,” Claudia says, disgustedly.

It’s also important to note that fingernails, if not properly trimmed pre-penetration, can slice us up like a Thanksgiving turkey. Clean-cut nails benefit both partners. ”I’ve totally blamed my period on a guy 'cutting' me,” Olivia admits. “If he actually knew what he was doing, he would’ve known I was lying.”

With every woman’s anecdote, one thing stayed the same: when it comes to finger-love, men are completely clueless.

For too long, fingering has been neglected, dismissed as a childish sex act — beloved in high school, when penis penetration was still taboo — but not appropriate for sex-seasoned adults.

Quite the contrary. Fingering is among the most underrated adult sex skills. Even when your standard P-in-the-V sex is top-notch, fingering offers refreshing variety.

Fingers can give much more focused and intense stimulation than any other body part, and with one hand working inside her and another rubbing her outside, the combination of internal and external sensations can do amazing things.

So instead of sticking to your typical technique — “popping a finger in there for just a second to see if it’s wet enough for my dick” — try something new. Ask her if she’d like a little fingering, and if she says yes, give her more than just one digit, be gentle, and don’t you dare forget about her clitoris.

[originally published October 12, 2017]