Move over DUIs, there's a new, much cooler way to get arrested in town and it's called Horseback Riding Under the Influence with Random Toddlers. They're the new black, says cool people. Good thing we've got Dennis Byers to demonstrate how it's done, son.

Move over DUIs, there's a new, much cooler way to get arrested in town and it's called Horseback Riding Under the Influence with Random Toddlers. They're the new black, says cool people.

Here, Tulsa man Dennis Byers will show you how it's done, son. Here is; feast your eyes on him.

First, you get all sorts of drunk. Good job.

Then, you arrange a some sort of horse sale. That's right, it's time to say goodbye to Mr. Ed. You've gotta make some sacrifices if you want to get one of these new, cooler DUIs.

Next, you grab a toddler! Go ahead, pick any one. It doesn't  matter who the kid is, what their name is, or what their life story is; you just need them to up your arrest ante.

In Dennis' case, he met his random toddler when the little boy's father brought him to Dennis' to test ride the horse he was selling. The agreement was that Dennis and the boy would both saddle up on the steed and go for a ride, while the boy's father followed behind on foot. But when the kid's dad got a work call, he stopped following Dennis while he was on the phone. See where we're going with this? 

Later that night, police got a call about a drunk man on horseback with a random toddler who he claimed he'd never met. He was trying to drop the 3-year-old at random people's houses, but no one would take him; it appeared everyone was at kidnapped-toddler capacity that night. When police reached him, he allegedly had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech and reeked of booze.

"He was trying to leave the child at various houses. He didn't know where the people were. He didn't know where the child belonged and obviously he wasn't properly supervising the child," the police report says.

Byers was arrested for public intoxication and child abuse and booked into the Tulsa County Jail on $50,100 bond. He also is on probation out of Missouri for child endangerment. Let's see you do that with a DUI, bro.

We know what you're thinking. Inside you're head, you're bellowing "What about the babies?!" in perfect, illogically concerned Nancy Grace fashion, but let us assure you, the random toddler was fine. He was placed in protective custody, and is awaiting pickup from his dad, who told reporters that he "Just wanted to give him a horse." Cool dad, even cooler DUI.