Ski times are upon us, which means it’s about time for us to spend a small fortune on gear and passes, as well as get our liver enzymes checked. Here’s the ultimate guide to surviving the 2025-26 ski season. Before we get started, remember this golden rule: Anyone who skis worse than you is called a gaper, and anyone who skis better than you is called a trust fund baby that doesn’t have to work for a living. If you can remember that one rule, you’ll do just fine.

»The Preseason Ready Up

Alright, there is ONE thing, and only one thing, that matters when it comes to picking out new gear. We don’t care whether you ski or snowboard, what kind of pass you’re loyal to, or any of that. Do us a favor and remember this: when it comes to picking out a new jacket or snow pants, the only thing that matters is how many beers you can fit in the pockets. We don’t give a shit how warm the gear is, or if it looks really cool. None of that stuff matters. Can you fit five or more beers in the confines of your various nooks and crannies found on your threads? That’s a good ski jacket right there.

» Skip the Snow Tires

Speaking of spending money, the tires on your Subaru Outback are probably shot to hell, right? You’re thinking that, in addition to an Epic or Ikon pass, you’re going to need to buy some snow tires, yeah? Here’s a protip: don’t. Let’s be honest, you’ve driven I-70 before. How many jackwagons do you see on a weekend pilgrimage slip sliding across three lanes in haphazard fashion? You know for a fact they’re not going to spend $800 on new rubber. They’re going to use that money to buy 32 cases of Coors Banquet. If they’re not going to rock snow tires, why should you? With any luck, you’ll get filmed spinning out somewhere west of Georgetown and wind up on our Instagram page. Hey dude? This could be your big break.

» Leave Food at Home and Eat In the Lodge Every Time

You might think that bringing your own food from home and tailgating in the lot might save you a lot of money, but you don’t want that. What you’re going to want to do is walk into the lodge and spend about $80 on some lukewarm chicken tenders and chili that obviously came from a  can. You see, this is what our founding fathers had in mind when they invented skiing. If you’re roasting hot dogs in the parking lot instead of throwing down Andrew Jacksons in exchange for a rock-hard rice krispie treat, we’d dare say that you’re doing skiing all wrong.

» Go For The Backie

You know your limits better than anyone, and you should probably take it slow until the mountain gets a nice base layer and your legs are back underneath you, right? Wrong. This is the third season in a row you’ve been saying that you were going to start hucking backflips, so what are you waiting for? Go send that shit going mach Jesus with reckless abandon.

» Bring Your Dog So That It Can Bark In Your Car For The Entire Day

You love your dog even more than you love getting free refills and tasty face shots, so here’s a genius fucking idea: bring your dog so that it can stay in the car in the lower lot, freezing its neutered nads off and barking at anybody who stomps by your vehicle wearing ski boots. Think about it: you love skiing, and you love your dog, so it only makes sense to leave your dog in frigid temperatures while you go chase down some sicky gnar gnar. Maybe if you leave the windows cracked it can get out and run rampant around the base area while you remain oblivious until you take your last run, returning home only to learn you’re getting dragged on social media and via various news outlets. Again, hey dude? This could be your big break.