How many drinks is too many drinks on a first date? 

The classic paradox of positioning yourself between the two red flags of being totally sober and an alcoholic is a tricky one. In my opinion, the best impression to give is that you can handle your alcohol, which means you are able to have a few drinks without it having a noticeable change in your behavior. There are a couple of tricks to help you keep up with your date without getting so wrecked that you end up in a viral video later. First off, don’t show up hungry. Nothing will bring you down faster than two shots on an empty stomach and all of the sudden you do something stupid, like thinking you can dance. I like to keep a couple Uncrustables in my pocket to help soften the blow of any unexpected tequila shots. Another tip is  misdirection. Order a water or a Sprite or something that looks like the alcohol you are already drinking and mix up your sips between the two. If you feel yourself starting to contemplate karaoke, start hitting the Sprite exclusively. Your date won’t even notice, and if they do, that’s a red flag on its own. The last trick is one of my personal favorites and it works every time. Compliment the other person on how much you love their mature approach to drinking. If you say something like “I like that you can have a couple of drinks and you don’t want to get wasted…it’s very attractive.”  This one works. Suddenly, the other person gets all in their head about it, and probably won’t order another drink for the night. Psychology, baby. 

I’m kind of strapped for cash but want to take someone on a first date that’s going to leave a lasting impression, but on a budget. Any ideas?  

Costco

Think about it, you grab a couple of $1.50 hotdogs, hang out in the furniture aisle testing couches, or have a romantic conversation under a display gazebo, and if things start really heating up, you can grab a bottle of some Kirkland Signature wine and head back to someone’s house for an afters. 

UrbanEx

Now, I’ll give the disclaimer that it’s probably not the best idea to go to an abandoned hospital with a total stranger, but if you trust that the other person is not a serial killer, going urban exploring is an exciting date on the cheap. All you need is a joint and a couple of flashlights, and the rest writes itself. With the real fear of crackheads, ghosts, or the ghosts of crackheads, around every corner, it’s the perfect excuse for some old fashioned hand holding and maybe even some fear bonding.  

The Mall 

I’m calling it right now, the malls are going to make a huge comeback. It’s a chill place to walk around indoors away from the February weather, with literally zero obligation to buy anything and plenty of parking. And with aging empty malls hurting for tenants, it’s attracting some super weird businesses to fill the vast emptiness between PacSun and Auntie Annie’s pretzels. If a mellow stroll through a half empty mall doesn’t sound exciting enough, try eating an eighth of mushrooms before you go, and try to see how long you can stay there before you freak out.