It's times like these that remind us that we're all just hairy snack beasts who really want a nap, but also to live in a peaceful world free of Ted Cruz's face.

Yesterday, Ted Cruz made the bone-chilling announcement that he would be selecting a very special someone to share the ballot with him on his quest to become the Nation's Droopiest President.

The person he selected is a carbon copy of himself sans a penis, and she was no doubt selected as a last ditch effort to win sympathy votes from our nation's right wing laaaadies who just can't get jiggy with the Donald's misogynistic ways. Her name? (Cue thunder and fiery laser explosions) … Carly Fiorina.

Yes, minions. The same Carly Fiorina who tried, and failed to run for President herself earlier this year. The same one who vowed to destroy Planned Parenthood and believes marijuana is as dangerous as heroin.

Of course, most vertebrate creatures on the planet are currently unnerved by the congealing axis of evil that is the Cruz/Fiorina ballot, most of which are human.

However, we found some baby sloths who share the same concerns about women's rights, the separation of church and states, gun control and our nation's education system as you do. We hope that you find solace in this difficult time by knowing that there are others like you out there, hairy, sleepy snack beasts who just want to live in a world that's safe from their children.

Here are some now.

Cover photo cred: © Sam Trull 2014