Netflix Buffering Bar and Snapchat nudes … *tenses up*
Older generations hate you, the Internet is more important to your family than the neglected dog and you don't have to rely on things like face to face interaction or stability for survival. Congratulations: You're a millennial.
But it's not so bad. Sure, you're probably in debilitating debt right now and can't stand it when something takes longer than a few minutes to process, but think of all the online friends you have and how many hands are going to pat you on the back with congratulatory "Atta boys" because nobody is allowed to say anything negative anymore. You've got it pretty good — but sadly, no matter how well off anyone is right now, there's still those culturally specific things that give people the worst kind of anxiety.
This Icon Thing
For fucks sake, how long is this response going to be? Or did they just accidentally type one letter and forget about the conversation entirely? The only thing worse than waiting for this stupid thing to go away is when it flashes off and on like a broken bulb. You suck at spelling, we get it, just answer the damn question.
Netflix Buffering Bar
Well ain't that a … what could possibly be worse than being dick-deep in a Sunday binge of American Horror Story when this tactless buffering bar pops up without warning? 36 … 42 … 95 … 95 … 95 … WTF!?!?
No Caller ID
You've got to be out of your mind to think a millennial is actually going to pick up the phone if the conversation could have been done via text — more so if you think they'll pick up without a proper ID. This isn't an Illuminati mask orgy, announce yourself, stranger!
Not Getting Enough Likes
The only difference between 'likes' and money is that you can't drop 20 blue thumbs down on the counter to buy some new socks. But the more a person gets, the more they feel like they're better than the next. We're a generation rich with false admiration, lose that and we lose a part of our perception.
Sending Nudes to "My Story" on Accident
Ahhh … shit … At least parents haven't figured this one out yet.
It doesn't matter what it is, millennials want to be a part of it. Seeing someone else in any given place brings about the twitches.
Ordering Pizza From An Actual Human
Too high, much too high to get out a coherent food order right now. How the hell did anyone do this without an app?
Driving Without GPS
They were once called "maps" and they too distracted people behind the wheel. But after a while, drivers learned where they were going without having a robotic voice always barking orders.
Double-tapping an Old Photo on Instagram
Guilty. Everyone's a creep, Instagram proves it.
Pooping Without Your Phone
The horror of being left completely alone with your own thoughts is the real struggle.
This lovely specimen is like, two industry steps away from being the next biggest pop star. If that doesn't give you anxiety, nothing will …
There has never been a time in recorded history when it's been easier (and more admired) to stay a Lost Boy for as long as possible. Thirty-three and still sitting at a dumpy bar trying to get the band off the ground? Keep it up!
What. In. The. Hell. Are. THESE. THINGS?