Thank god for stoned invention … if it weren't for the boundless creativity of a few super f*cking high people, we may never have had pugs, child beauty pageants, or Monaco.

Thank god for stoned invention … if it weren't for the boundless creativity of a few super f*cking high people, we may never have had pugs, child beauty pageants, or Monaco.

That being said, here are 15 things that could only have been invented by someone who knows their way around a gravity bong.


A wise man once told us, “Never half-ass anything. Whole-ass one thing and be done with it.” The spork, of course, flies in flagrant violation of that code as it skirts the delicate line between being a poor excuse for a fork and a really stabby spoon. What’s clear about sporks, however, is that their special blend of WTF-ness could only be conceived by a person who feels as if they could make a burrito out of ramen.


“Let’s invent an animal that can’t breathe, with a tail looks like an obese cinnamon roll, and that has no function other than to die if you don’t feed it cheese. Great meeting, guys. Break!”

Rice Krispies Cereal

Remember the ad for this cereal? It told you to “listen to the rice pop” and then just played this fizzing sound while people ate it. Since when do you listen to your food like it’s trying to tell you something? Because whoever made them was so, so high. Higher than the girl in this video. Maximum highness.

Fourth Meal

The immense benefits of Taco Bell’s famed marketing plan are twofold. First, attendees of that particular dining time immediately prove themselves as stoners, which helps them find mates. Second, its particular brand of ‘round-the-clock gorging makes it so you always have another meal to look forward to. Ever since Fourth Meal, there’s never been an inappropriate time to dine.

Squishy Ball Thing

What is this? What kind of depraved, THC-soaked mind would think of such a purposeless invention? No one has ever known the answer to these questions; all we know is that it feels squishy when you squish it. Mmm, squish squish … You’re baked.

Selfy the Easy Bed

There’s nothing more irksome to ye olde stoner than the insipid task of making the bed. Thank god someone got high and invented Selfy the Easy Bed. With its retractable covers and machine hands, this contraption does the bitch work of bedmaking for you so you can focus on melting into your bean bag chair and hearing moonlight.

Clairol’s “Touch of Yogurt” Shampoo

A stoner’s love for all things edible is no secret, but nor is their insatiable desire to combine two products into one (see: spork, hot dog pizza, lighters and leashes). That’s why we have a feeling that whoever thought of combining yogurt and shampoo was in an altered state when they invented a hair cleanser that can also double as a munchie in times of need.

iTunes Visualizer

For the uninitiated, the iTunes Visualizer is how you turn your regular old high into a hallucinatory rollercoaster fun-time explosion. All it takes is a click or two, and suddenly you’re riding waves of ecstasy as mind-bending graphics that stretch, move, and pulse with your music. Mind blown.

Cow tipping

Cow tipping is the O.G. stupid stoner activity — one that could have only been conceived during a fit of laughter and pizza rolls. Likely result of a misunderstood utterance like “get some beef tips for supper, peasant,” cow tipping has just the right level of pointlessness and hilarity to match any stoner’s sense of deviant whimsy.


Only a 19-year-old breaking free from parental restraint named Isaac Newton would invent a complex mathematical system that makes sense to n=0 people during a feverish summer spent locked up in a room, hallucinating numbers in 1663. You have to be high to invent something that causes that much suffering …

Child Beauty Pageants

Dressing your toddler up like they’re part of Marie Antoinette’s court of Versailles is high-as-shit thinking if we’ve ever heard it. If the wine-drunk call-girl-loving country of France makes something illegal while America make reality shows about it, you know that drugs were involved in the conception.


There are less people in Monaco than can fit inside the Broncos stadium — now just look us in the eye and tell us someone wasn’t blazed out of their skulls when they thought they should make a country out of that. That’s like making a dinner out of one square inch of steak … it’s just too painful to think about.

The Tooth Fairy

A tiny flying woman that needs your kid’s teeth to build a castle and pays in cash? The highest.


Another one of weed’s probable contributions to the world of squishiness, Gak is a cold, gelatinous, nuclear-looking putty that farts when you squeeze it. It also glows in the dark, just in case you wake up from your night terror and need to squish something farty — as we all do sometimes. Fatal if ingested.

Air Dancers

Stoners love staring at things for hours at a time — who wouldn’t want to watch a long, wacky, wavy man billowing outside a car dealership who looks like he’s slipping on ice forever?

Anything in SkyMall (RIP)

Among SkyMall’s bounty of high inventions: The Pet Petter (“Unique” device that “both pets and pats” your animals for you); the TV Hat (a box you put on your head that’s a TV); Man to Man (the “the one and only gay attraction body mist); The Sock Buddy (helps you with the difficult task of putting on socks); and the Crib Dribbler (a hamster water dispenser for babies).