We're 100% for tattoos, but let's get real: if it's gonna be on your body for the next 100 years, it might as well do something. Whether that something is warn you about especially protective fathers, remind you how to eat pussy, or entertain your one-night-stand when you fall asleep after two pumps, is up to you.

We're 100% for tattoos, but let's get real: if it's gonna be on your body for the next 100 years, it might as well do something. Whether that something is warn you about especially protective fathers, remind you how to eat pussy, or entertain your one-night-stand when you fall asleep after two pumps, is up to you.

And as these people prove, tattoos can have a variety of practical uses beyond horrifying your grandmother. Things such as …

1. Help you measure out your cocaine — we mean, "flour"

2. Remind you of the neverending sequence of numbers floating through your mind that add up to the number 23

3. Show you how to eat pussy, because you just keep forgetting!

4. Serve as a permanent to-do list that broadcasts all the awesome stuff and snake-taming you do

5. Let 'em know they better start running once they're done

6. Help you think up songs like you were some sort of Paul McCartney

7. Make it so puff-puff-passing is a relic of the past

8. This one's useless we, just wanted to show it to you

9. Advertise your profession/ terrifying obbesssion

10. What does this say? It doesn't matter, but it says something, and that's all kinds of useful.

11. Help the jury solidify their guilty verdict

12. Help you find your way home, you adult baby

13. Help you cheat on your chemistry exam … and impress Walter White

14. Help you measure your, um … feet … Definitely not a penis …

15. Make people stop yelling "Are you deaf?!" in your right ear

16. Feign interest when you couldn't give any more shits

17. Let people know what happened so there's less room for error on the police report

16. Protect your eyes from harmful UV rays

17. Perform inter-species communication

18. Always be dressed for the country club

19. Keep your one-night-stand-busy while you try to pretend you're sleeping until they leave