Ridiculous, already proposed strategies to combat global warming and hopefully stop Al Gore from making any more movies.

There's been a lot of talk over the course of, oh, we don't know, the last half-century, or whatever, about what we as puny mortals can do to alter the course of the disaster we've put ourselves into. Climate change exists, and we're in a world of fuck if the planet goes rogue and decides to shake itself of the nasty human cancer it has. While we know putting our beer cans into the proper receptacle is a small start, the damage is done, and we need to think of something big, and quick. The following four proposed ideas, however, all sound scary as heck.

Sunlight reflection via nuclear winter

There have been several strange ideas proposed to combat global warming, including mimicking the effects of a large-scale volcanic eruption by intentionally pumping sulfuric acid into the stratosphere to block out sunlight. Kiss your tan goodbye, tan Tina.The idea for this strategy came about after the eruption of Mount Pinatubo in 1991, during which the world saw the only reversal shift in global warming since the Industrial Revolution. In short, the idea here is to recreate a massive, dense plume of soot with tiny sulfate particles that naturally reflect sunlight … kinda like a fun-sized nuclear winter.

Making clouds fatter

To cool the planet, scientists have proposed releasing bismuth tri-iodide “seeds” via aircraft to bulk out cirrus clouds so they absorb less warming radiation from the sun, in a process called cloud seeding. This plan is the easiest to reverse — if everything doesn’t work right, the program can be stopped and the rogue “oops” clouds dissipate in a matter of weeks. The process is finicky: not enough particles, and clouds form just as they would normally and nothing magical happens. But if too many particles are released, they generate extremely thick clouds and trap even more heat. If the seed concentration is just right, the plan significantly cools the planet enough to counter global warming levels. This window has virtually no room for error — over-seeding clouds would mean leaving humanity to slowly par-bake … for weeks.

Hurricane weakening technology

Warmer temperatures also mean more powerful storms, especially hurricanes. But at a depth of about 500 feet, ocean temperatures are much cooler. Patents held by bored billionaire Bill Gates visualize large barges with piping systems capable of reaching these cool subsurface waters and then pumping it upward. “By cooling a region in the path of a hurricane, models suggest we could knock a half-a-category in wind speed out,” says Philip Kithil of Atmocean. Kerry Emanuel, a hurricane expert at MIT who believes it’s possible to reduce sea surface temperatures by several degrees. If this were done beneath the eye of a hurricane, it would theoretically “kill” the storm. “This would have to be done on a massive scale, but is still probably within the realm of feasibility,” says Emanuel.

Irrationally digging manmade lakes to store rising seas

Besides more powerful storms, sea level rise is another consequence of a warming planet.  Sea levels are projected to rise up to six feet by 2100. Some academics have deliberated on the possibility of storing rising oceans at below sea-level depressions like Death Valley; however, these man-made lakes around the globe would only represent a drop in the proverbial bucket. John Dracup, Professor of Environmental Engineering at Berkeley notes, “If you tried to store all of this sea level rise in the U.S., you would need a lake that covered the entire U.S. and had a depth of 36 kilometers.” To which the rest of the world responds: “Where do we sign?”