Unlike Bobby Flay’s Food Network shows, you can make this BBQ party a success …

Unlike Bobby Flay’s Food Network shows, you can make this BBQ party a success.

Plan B… BQ

Hosting a BBQ offers you the opportunity to take things to the next level of grilling greatness, i.e. showing off the culinary skills you picked up on the last episode of Chopped Grill Masters. Take a minute away from playing Candy Crush on the toilet and focus on the menu. Burgers and hot dogs appease the common folk but to be the grilling legend you’re meant to be, you must unleash the family… err Pinterest classics: grilled garlic, jalapeño poppers, chicken-pineapple kebabs, stuffed potato skins and bacon-wrapped anything. They are simple and cheap. And by God, people will love them — and thus you. To top it off, offer up a soccer-mom array of side dishes to keep the drunk munchies at bay. People don’t remember talking to people at parties, they remember the potato salad.

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Drop beats, not bombs

Should you opt to subject your guests to a night of Coldplay classics covered by Taylor Swift and friends, then consider this to be your last and final barbecue throwdown — should your friends even stay in touch with you. Music sets the mood for the beautiful night under the stars while simultaneously freeing the frisky individuals to do the Helen Keller hip talk. And let’s face it: every party needs a few of these people. Dedicate your friend to manage the music throughout the night; you know, the one that wants to control the music at all occasions. Step aside this time and let them take over the helm of entertainment so you can focus on what you do best, hosting a legendary party.

Provide social lubricant

In a perfect world, your friends would show up to the party with alcohol, wash their dishes and lend you money for new calf implants — but we don’t live in that world and they’re selfish assholes. Regardless of their shortcomings, you have an intrinsic responsibility to pump them full of life elixir without surpassing next month’s Vegas stipend. Stock the cooler with domestic canned beer that both lessens the financial hurt and prevents glass from being in the hands of walking vulnerabilities. For an affordable hard alcohol option, grab whole watermelons and pineapples and inject them with cheap, never-drink-without-a-chaser vodka. Slice them up during the party for an extra shot of fruitful benevolence. Happy friends equals happy you. 

Game of Drinks

Conversation is a finicky rollercoaster undulating among the highs and lows in relation to alcohol consumption, self-aggrandizement and whether or not a dress is a certain color (in no particular order). To curb the ADHD contagion that’s infecting parties across the country, inject a series of outdoor yard games to entertain the masses. They break the ice among new friends and keep social engagement level at a high. Choose a game — Beerfris, flip cup, beer pong, corn hole, elephant walk — that builds on the party camaraderie without excluding the athletically deficient. You’re a host, not a therapist. Should you host your barbecue during the day, incorporate all of your planned games into one drinking Olympic team challenge.