Screw video games — here are four other applications for virtual reality in this 2D world.

Screw video games — here are four other applications for virtual reality in this 2D world.

Live Shows and Concerts
Concerts are an insidious clusterfuck of crowds, lines and overpriced Fireball shots that we can’t seem to stop buying. These inconvenient truths triggered Next VR to develop a three-dimensional virtual reality Internet broadcast that streams right into your living room so you never have to interact with human civilization again. Using a 180-degree state-of-the-art virtual camera, your smartphone and a $200 headset, Next VR transports you to the event in real time. Whether it’s sitting in the front row at the Super Bowl, laying on your favorite European beach or being touched like a virgin at a Madonna concert, Next VR’s can make your wildest dreams come true. Now, where’s that bottle of Fireball?

Porn
It was only a matter of time before nerds realized inflatable dolls weren’t going to cut it anymore. So they took technological advancements into their own lubricated palms and created the virtual reality porn platform. Through online subscription sites like VirtualRealPorn, users can peruse the endless shelves of virtual porn titles that promise to offer you “delight in the best bodies by moving your head in all directions with your headset” and “extra immersion with 360 degrees of pure pristine sound.” Sold! Nothing sounds more entertaining than some alone time with your headset, a strong Internet connection and your favorite coconut-scented Dove hand lotion. If the power shorts out, we’ll know who to talk to — as long as the door is unlocked. 

Sports
Virtual sports training is about to make every fanatical parent with a second mortgage bet on their kid’s professional sports career that much more fixated on the prize. Eon Sports, a virtual reality software company, decided playing Madden football wasn’t enough and figured if you combine it with professional coaching tips, you could have a winning product. And that’s what they did. Aspiring football players can fully immerse themselves in virtual reality training software, complete with coaching advice from such greats as Mike Ditka. Imagine you’re a quarterback on the field in a Madden game — that’s what the software feels like. Now imagine tearing your ACL, losing your million-dollar contract and turning to cocaine benders to overcome your career failures. Now that’s reality.  

Research
Porn, entertainment and sports aren’t the only ones having virtual foreplay. Ford and Marriott are both tickling their fancies with the new technology — but in ways you’d never guess. Ford engineers use the technology to see vehicles in real time in order to detect any possible shortcomings like, you know, the entire Ford Fiesta fiasco. And for Marriott, well, they’ve turned virtual reality into a marketing ploy by offering it to customers as a way to teleport to an exotic location like Hawaii or … anywhere besides the Marriott. Whether it works is anyone’s guess but we’re guessing people will stay at Marriott simply for a chance to put on a headset and go to Hawaii. Why wouldn’t they?