Skip the drive-thru and eat these people instead!

Everyone knows that when you smoke weed, the go-to munchies are pizza rolls and ice cream. When you drink alcohol, the go-to is Mickey D’s. But what about when you dive into bath salts? Your tummy rumbles, but there are just too many options out there. Seven billion in fact. Here are some killer ideas for when the salts kick in and you need to munch on another person’s face while they’re still alive. Cowabunga!

1. A little unhealthy no doubt. But juicy, sweet, and delectable. You can find a guy like this at most fast food restaurants — but they’re not on the menu.


2. This one here has been aged for a long time, so you know he’s gonna be full of rich and complex flavors. Yum yum in your tum tum.


3.  You order off the kid’s menu when you’re at McDonald’s. Why not order off the kids menu when you’re at a stranger’s house at three in the morning? If their parents wake up from the shrieks of terror, feast on their faces for a sultry desert.


4. This woman wants to be an actress. Fulfill half her dream by making her a snacktress!


5. Sometimes a person’s face and screams are so scrumptious, you need another one. So eat the faces of these twins. Make sure to bring tupperware in case you want to save a little for later.


These five options are only the beginning of a much longer list. What’s most important is that you eat someone who is right for you. We all have different tastes, so you need to bite into a few people’s faces to find out what your tastebuds are craving. We bet you’re starved at this point, so get out there and get biting. When you’re in prison for life, make sure to check out our upcoming article about the best places to abandon your kids while you’re on meth.