The world of waiting for a dealer comes with the emotional baggage many aren’t ready to handle.

The world of waiting for a dealer comes with the emotional baggage many aren’t ready to handle. It’s a fragile environment balancing the friend/acquaintance relationship with the fact that you only call when you need them. Here are a few of the ups and downs on the emotional rollercoaster we’ve all faced — many times.

1. Abandonment: They’re never there when you need them
We understand that dealers are in high demand. We get it, you got what we — and half of sorority row — need. But wait times are pushing levels not seen since buying Mexican swag from a dealer in middle school. It’s as if all drug dealers opt to walk between appointments and neglect the use of motorized vehicles. Rule of thumb, the amount of wait time for a drug directly correlates with the criminal class of that drug.

2. Social awkwardness: you have to make awkward small talk
Most, if not all, drug dealers have a social awkwardness about them that screams they sell something that doesn’t require much “selling.” The bouts of small talk, peppered with subtle hints that the relationship between the two of you only exists on a business level, should be enough to keep the niceties moving along. But that’s never the case. Yes, you have what everyone wants. No, it’s not emotional understanding on a deeper level.

3. Sticker shock: it’s always more expensive than you remember
Variations in pricing are a common occurrence when buying something illegal from the dishwasher at your restaurant, that might or might not speak English, and enjoys yelling sexually offensive phrases at the waitresses. Just when you’ve overcome tracking down this Sasquatch of a dealer, they give you a Sophie’s choice of party favor options with variable pricing. The stuff you bought last time is now more expensive. But deductive reasoning tells you the cheaper stuff is pure shit. Why do you do this to our emotional imbalance and petty paychecks?

4. Debt limits: it’s cheaper if you buy more
You planned on purchasing a small amount of party favor, but then quickly realize that if you buy more, you can save more money. Hooray business 101! Now you’re agonizing over the current state of your bank account balance, debating if your friends are good for it and whether Stephen will most likely do all of it before he pays you. In the end, you become Mother Theresa and buy enough to spread happiness and joy throughout the night.     

5. Guilt: you’re buying something illegal
Should you be unaware of the fact that you’re purchasing a controlled substance, the fact that you’re purchasing it in the back alley of a trailer park five blocks from the county jail in the middle of a snowstorm on New Years Eve should be a reminder that you’re not buying balloons and cotton candy. Even for veterans, there’s a tiny voice in the back of your mind saying "don’t get caught." And if you do, don’t worry, it’s your first offense and you’re Caucasian.