We, in fact, do not have a cool 200-mil lying around right now, but these dudes do!
Hugh Hefner wants to sell the Playboy Mansion for a measly $200 million, which makes the 20,000 square-foot mansion the most expensive completed home for sale in America.
While this may seem like a small price to pay to live in house that will forever smell like cum and stale champagne, it may not be as great a deal as it sounds. Former Playmates have said the mansion is in disrepair and extremely outdated. Apparently, Hef hasn’t put much effort into updating the house since the '80s, and its a property that's dying faster than the porno-mag industry that made it.
So, why the high price tag for an old dilapidated fuck-shack that might somehow manage to give you an STD even though that doesn’t sound scientifically possible? The answer is simple: Hefner comes with the house.
At a spry 89-years-old, Hefner doesn’t want to move out of his boob palace and acknowledges that he doesn’t have much time left. So, the obvious solution is to include him in the sale of the house, like some living ghost that will haunt the property until he crosses over to the eternal grotto in the sky.
Now, if we had the money, we would throw in the $200 million dollars to be roomies with Hef. The thought of one day finding his flaccid corpse in some dusty corner of the mansion doesn’t scare us at all. But alas, we don’t have a cool 200-mil to spend recklessly, so here is a list of billionaires that we think should buy the famed playboy mansion instaead.
Charles & David Koch // Combined Net Worth $82 Billion
When these oil-rich brothers aren’t busy spending millions rigging elections, they like to donate to charities to fund the arts. This makes them perfectly qualified to continue the Playboy Mansion legacy. They can use their stake in the petroleum industry to fund countless oil wrestling matches and piles of cash to fund the ongoing art of nude modeling.
Forrest Mars Jr. // Net Worth $23 Billion
Forrest Mars Jr. owns the candy company Mars, Inc., which manufactures famous candies like M&Ms and Skittles. Everyone knows that beautiful women love candy, right? Granted, enticing people to come to your mansion with promises of candy sounds a little creepy in the, “Hey, little girl get in my van, I have candy” kind of way. Regardless, we're sure Forrest and Hef would be great roommates because they can bond over things like being alive before televisions got color.
Elon Musk // Net Worth $12 Billion
Founder of Tesla and the private aerospace company SpaceX, Elon Musk knows a thing or two about making badass shit. He could take the decrepit Playboy Mansion and turn it into a 20,000 square-foot tech lair, no problem. Plus, Musk has a rocky relationship with his on again off again wife, Talulah Riley, and buying the Playboy mansion could be the final nail in his divorce proceedings. Why have one wife when you can surround yourself with dozens of Playmates everyday?
Brian Chesky – Net Worth $3.3 Billion
Brian Chesky founded Airbnb in 2008, and the Playboy Mansion would be the coolest Airbnb rental of all time. If Chesky doesn’t buy the Playboy mansion and rent it on his site, he's a moron. Not only would that be an amazing publicity stunt for his company, but it would also open up the Playboy Mansion to all the people who were never cool enough to be invited over by Hef. Granted, it would probably cost like $100,000 a night (or the equivalency of that in cocaine), but we can dream.
Russ Weiner – Net Worth $3.6 Billion
Russ Weiner is the creator of Rockstar Energy Drink, and what's more inline with the Rockstar brand image than the Playboy Mansion? Absolutely fucking nothing. Rockstar Energy is all about being extreme, and the Playboy Mansion has to be the most extreme house in America. Plus, models love getting tweaked out on energy drinks and this dudes last name is Weiner. How could a dude named Weiner live anywhere else?