We've already told you about drunk pilots, TSA's incompetence and anti-ginger airport security, but here are some other stories to remind you why humans should keep their feet on the ground where they belong.
1. Two separate flights, both pooped on by children
As far as breathing goes, flights aren’t the best place to do it. After all, you’re sharing recycled air with 100 other random people and probably 10 puke-covered babies.
The first offense happened on Aug 8, right as a plane was descending. Apparently, a child on board decided the plane wasn't going to land fast enough and decided he had to make moves quickly, this was the aftermath:
We have no idea what those symbols mean, but it doesn't take a genius to guess how disgusting of a smell it was.
The second offense happened the following Sunday. This time both of the plane's bathrooms were open and the plane hadn't even taken off yet, but the child decided this poop was coming out right here right now. The parents reportedly argued that the bathroom was "too small" for their child to use. Seriously?
At least the poop emoji is universal
2. A man got half his ear bit off mid-flight
Trying to keep yourself together while flying can be a struggle for some. Unless it is your first time on a plane, or your black out drunk, chances are you're not excited about getting in a tin can with a bunch of random people who may or may not shit in the aisle at any moment (see above).
But the occasional argument or disgruntled passenger isn't completely out of the ordinary, but for a flight from England to Spain, things got a little Mike Tyson-y.
As the plane was beginning to land in Ibiza, Spain, a man came running down the aisle screaming his ear had been bitten off. The passengers reacted by rightfully freaking the fuck out, and were greeted by police upon landing. The attacked man was sent to the hospital, where doctors spent hours trying to save his ear. We're just kind of sad, kind of not, that no one had a phone out to record it. Come on people, this is the 21st century — missed viral opportunity here!
3. A 16-year-old girl survives plane crash, stranded two days in the forest
Everyone that flies is a little bit scared of being in a crash. Fortunately for most people, big airliners are relatively safe when it comes to crash-ability, but those smaller prop planes tend to run into a little bit more trouble.
That is why it's a miracle 16-year-old Autumn Veatch survived a plane crash that claimed the lives of her two grandparents. They were flying the plane from Montana to Washington when Autumn said the plane came out of the clouds and crashed into the side of the North Cascade Mountains . Even more miraculous than her surviving the crash was the fact that she hiked through the mountains for two day until she found help. Tough as nails, that one is.
These are the North Cascades, just for reference.
4. An airline is being sued by someone who was injured after sitting beside an obese passenger
The headline sounds like something you would expect flying out of South Carolina, but for one Australian passenger, a 14-hour flight apparently turned into a living hell. And he just may be getting paid for it.
James Bassos is suing Etihad Airlines after he was forced to "contort and twist" his body to fit into his seat because his neighbor was too large to comfortably sit next to. In order to try and help him, the crew offered up their seats, but Bassos says that he already had back problems and his obese neighbor made them worse.
Etihad tried to have the case dismissed claiming people often sit next to obese passengers, but an Australian judge has decided to still hear the case. This James Bassos is pretty smart for an Australian, suing a large company is the American dream for a lot of us.
5. Over a year later, no one has any idea what happened to Malaysian flight 370
Crashing over mountains, getting your ear bit off, being stuck next to shitty passengers and dealing with poop filled children all suck, but there is one flying dilemma worse than all others — being on a lost flight. Back in March of 2014, a plane carrying over 200 passengers disappeared after it's takeoff from Malaysia. Bits of destroyed plane have been found around the Indian Ocean, but no one really knows what the fuck actually happened to it.
Was it ISIS? Aliens? North Korea? Cthulhu? Pirates? Your guess is as good as ours, but my money is on Cthulhu. Regardless what you think, one thing is certain: an entire plane went down and we have no idea what happened to it or the 236 people on board. Just think of that next time you fly with that discount airline.