You know you'd rather be in a bar right now …
Everyone has an opinion about the best bar in Boulder. In fact, some magazines base their entire existence around finding it.
But no matter what decisions they come to, they're completely wrong every time. The obvious winner of "Best Bar in Boulder" is clearly "Any bar during the daytime hours."
Don't believe us? Well, you've been brainwashed into thinking that bars are a nighttime destination. And you couldn't be more wrong. This is why you should do your drinking while the sun is high in the sky.
1) It doesn't smell like hot fart.
You know exactly what we're talking about. No matter how good the ventilation system of a bar is, 200 sweaty, horny morons trying to squeeze past each other is going to make nose nightmares. And when you decide to add an ocean of spilled drinks, hipsters with their "natural" deodorants and at least one pile of vomit, you're subjecting yourself to smells no man should smell.
But if you swing in around 1 p.m., just after the cleaning crew has shoveled the last of the previous evening off the floor, your new favorite bar will be fresh as a spring morning — allowing you to really savor the aromas of your favorite brew.
2) Every bar game is completely empty.
That has to be one of the most beautiful images on the Internet. When you get drunk during the day, there's no more stacking quarters and waiting like a doofus, hoping those two idiots will finish their damn game of pool, just so you can challenge them and have to make awkward small talk, praying to god they lose. And they end up beating you anyway, so you completely wasted valuable leisure time. Fuck.
During the day, you can play three goddamn games of pool at the same time, plus darts and shuffleboard. Score.
3) Instead of ruining your bartender's life, you're making it way, way better.
Being a bartender during peak hours is the worst. Hundreds of low-tipping mouth-breathers are screaming at you, trying to get an unending waterfall of booze from you and never leaving until you physically throw them out at 2 a.m.
During the day, your bartender is bored and happy you're getting drunk. They'll genuinely smile at you, cultivating a real relationship, because they'd just be cleaning something or judging strangers on Tinder if you weren't there. You're making their world a much better place. Good for you.
4) You'll end up passing out around 8 p.m., making sure you stay out of trouble.
Nothing good ever happens after midnight. No matter what. If you leave the bar when the sun is still shining, you'll see how hideous your significant other truly is, and you'll wisely opt to go home alone instead. There aren't any hammered bro-brahs around ready to pick a fight, so you won't be tempted to punch anyone in the face. And drinks are usually cheaper, so you'll save money. God, you're smart.
5) You meet the best people.
During "regular" bar hours, people are lustful sin-monsters, ready to steal your wallet or fuck you and never call you again. That's not the kind of people you need in your life.
If someone is getting hammered during lunch, they're honest and clearly the most true version of themselves. You need that honesty. They're not here for you. They're here to have a good time, and a genuine friendship with you could really improve their life. If not, they don't give a fuck because they're fine either way.
Be that person.
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