Avoiding the ubiquitous “Why are you single?" question during Thanksgiving dinner is harder than getting rid of the E.Coli you got from last year's turkey.  Because even though families are the people that you're connected to for life, they're also the people who's profession it is to guilt trip you as you push your peas around your plate. So, instead of forcing an honest answer to their prying questions for the millionth time with stuff like “Being single gives me more time for my art,” try these excuses for single-dom instead.

Avoiding the ubiquitous “Why are you single?" question during Thanksgiving dinner is harder than getting rid of the E.Coli you got from last year's turkey.  Because even though families are the people that you're connected to for life, they're also the people who's profession it is to guilt trip you as you push your peas around your plate. So, instead of forcing an honest answer to their prying questions for the millionth time with stuff like “Being single gives me more time for my art,” try these excuses for single-dom instead.

1. “I'm not single, they're spending time with their spouse and kids."

This one is good for the shock and awe factor. It opens the door for a great escape; those few seconds of silence after you drop that bomb is perfect for changing the subject by bringing up the immigration issue in front of your racist grandpa or casually mentioning that your sister is secretly eloping. Everyone will be more horrified by what he or she has to say than by the thought of you being forever alone.

2. Very slowly take a shot every time you're asked.

Eventually people with be more concerned with your alcoholism or wondering if you have PTSD from another relationship. They'll start asking other questions. Watch a few episodes of Intervention to learn how to answer them. The best part is, next holiday they'll just ask if you're okay.

3.  “What are you talking about? They're right here."

Giggle endlessly after saying this. Your family will send you right to a mental hospital and it will be filled with less crazies than a family get together. In a mental hospital there is bound to be someone with a creepy nickname like Uncle Martin, so you can feel right at home there.

4. Bring a sock puppet.

Not only will no one ask you why you're single. No one will speak to you. Teach them to fear you.

5. “I'm still working on my divorce."

This one is wonderful, because it not only scares your family into thinking you got married and didn't tell them, but it also lets them know you tried their lifestyle and something terrible happened. Follow this one up with “Her name is Brooke and we got married in Las Vegas” or really scare them by saying, "His name was James and I can't get the papers through because of witness protection." Everyone will be too busy talking about how irresponsible you are to focus on the fact that you'll be doling out zero grandchildren this century.

And hey, single guy or girl, don't feel bad about using any of these tactics. If you start to feel bad that you're creeping everyone out, just remember that time they weren't there for you in your adolescence! Not only will these tactics stop people from asking you why you're single, they're so effective that you might actually want to get a partner because you're not allowed at your own family holidays anymore. Cheers!