Bars are where douchebags like to go and act pretentious. Don't be that douchebag.

In our ever-perfected talent of being able to eavesdrop on strangers in loud spaces, we've heard some pretty horrendous things. None more so than from patrons at a bar. Blame it on the al-al-al-alcohol, or whatever, but people are just dicks sometimes — especially with a head full of Fireball. Here's a few of the more common asshole moves we've encountered, and how to avoid them altogether …

1.
Don’t say:
“Get me this, I’ll make it worth your while.”

Say this instead:
“If it’s not too much trouble, would you please …”

Why?
Because people that fluff up demands are usually jackasses and never follow through on promises anyways. Even if they do, it’s still a shitty way to act. Be courteous and respectful, it gets you further.

2.
Don’t say:
*waving hands with money* “Hey, you.”

Say this instead:
Nothing. Make eye contact if you can and wait your damn turn.

Why?
Everyone at the bar wants a drink and there are usually only a few of them behind the taps. Chill out and take the extra time to reflect on how well your parents did raising a solid human being.

3.
Don’t say:
“I know (insert name here).”

Say this instead:
“(Name) told me to check this place out. I’ve really been looking forward to it.”

Why?
Knowing the right people might get you hooked up from time to time, but don’t be overly smothering about it. Nobody cares who you know. Bonus: If you do get hooked up, use the money saved to tip the ‘tender even better. Karma.

4.
Don’t say:
“Can you make that pour heavy, bro?”

Say this instead:
“May I please have a double shot in that?”

Why?
This is America, where we pay for things we want. If you don’t like how someone pours, go elsewhere. Demanding free booze like this is a great way to get ignored.

5.
Don’t say:
“Can I talk to the guy bartender?”

Say this instead:
“Oh, great! I’ll have a (insert favorite drink), please.”

Why?
Surprise, surprise, women can pour a mean Moscow Mule just like anyone else. Dudes don’t have any untold ranking in the serving industry just because of their balls. Ladies of the world get shit on enough; they don’t need it behind the bar too.